


daddy issues

by orphan_account



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: ...at first, Age Difference, Angst, BDSM, Begging, Blow Jobs, Bondage and Discipline, Bratting, Canon-Typical Violence, Choking, Crushes, Daddy Issues, Daddy Kink, Developing Relationship, Dirty Talk, Ed Nygma is a fucking brat, Eventual Smut, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Heavy Drinking, Homophobic Language, M/M, Major canon divergence, Minor Character Death, One-Sided Attraction, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Police Brutality, Smut, Sugar Daddy, Teasing, Whipping, yeah thats a lot of porn tags my dudes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-02-29 11:20:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 39,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18777238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ever since he had begun working for the GCPD, Edward had found himself to be increasingly interested in criminals. He caught himself staring at the people in custody for extended periods of time, and sometimes Commissioner Gordon had to go shoo him away from the cells. Edward had never thought of himself as a violent person or someone interested in criminal activities, but something about the way those people’s minds worked left him in awe.It seemed like nearly everyone had paused their work and were just blatantly staring at the man standing in front of the Commissioner’s Office.  And there he was; The Penguin in flesh and blood. Edward had of course seen Penguin in newspapers, in old mugshots and in television, but the man’s presence was truly something to ogle at now that he was right there, only a dozen feet away from Ed. While everyone else in the room seemed either terrified or irritated, Edward was completely entranced by the man. Everything about him screamed to not interact with him, but the soles of Ed’s feet were already tingling from the need to walk up the stairs and get closer to him.Or the AU where S1!Edward and S5!Oswald start a sugar daddy relationship.





	1. i think about him and he knows it

**Author's Note:**

> this was inspired by a tweet i saw where the person wanted s1!eddie and 05x12!oswald to meet… i love me a plump supervillain sugar daddy spoiling the hell out of the small, innocent ed :")  
> i dont rlly have anything planned for this fic so i'll just go with the flow lol
> 
> the chapter titles are from shawn mendes's song there's nothing holding me back

Ever since he had begun working for the Gotham City Police Department, Edward had found himself to be increasingly interested in criminals. Of course, there had been the expected curiosity when he had entered the job straight out of college; the rush of blood whenever a goon started causing havoc within the precinct, the excitement when _your_ work caused the case to get solved, the occasional praise. But something had shifted in him. Ed caught himself staring at the people in custody for extended periods of time, and sometimes Commissioner Gordon had to go shoo him away from the cells. Edward had never thought of himself as a violent person or someone interested in criminal activities, but something about the way those people’s minds worked left him in awe.

It was an ordinary work day unlike any other. He had successfully annoyed four police officers before noon and had been kindly escorted into the forensics laboratory by James Gordon, to “do research”. He knew, however, that his boss was only trying to restrict detective Bullock from ripping him into tiny, annoying pieces. He had obeyed – there was no reason not to, he loved lab work – but his stomach had betrayed him in the middle of the examination.

“Have you eaten at all today?” the medical examiner, Dr. Thompkins, asked him with a pitiful smile. Ed placed the petri dish onto the table and removed his gloves, thinking.

“Can’t say that I have”, he came to the conclusion. His stomach seemed to agree, because it let out another loud growl.

“Go have lunch. I’ll finish for you”, Thompkins suggested, grabbing a pipet from her supplies. Edward wanted to say no, but now that it had been pointed out to him, he realized he hadn’t eaten a thing since yesterday’s dinner – Chinese takeout. He let out a resigned sigh and got up from the chair, shedding his lab coat on the backrest. He began making his way out of the room when Leslie began to talk again.

“You’ve been a great help today, Ed”, she said and smiled. Edward looked around his shoulder with a slightly flustered expression. While he was good at his job, he rarely got praised for it. “I just wanted you to know that”, Thompkins concluded.

Feeling slightly better about himself despite the minor nausea, Edward excited the room with a grin on his face. He liked Dr. Thompkins. The woman was kind, stern and excellent at her job. Commissioner Gordon was lucky to have such a woman as his wife. Still thinking about Lee’s pretty smile, he arrived at the end of the hallway and was about to open the door when it slammed on his face.

“Oowh!” he let out a squeal and scrambled back, holding his nose, acutely aware that his glasses were no longer on his face.

“Dammit, Ed, I’m sorry about that.” He recognized James Gordon’s voice and soon the man was already pushing Ed’s glasses in his hands. Edward placed his glasses back and looked at Gordon, still massaging the bridge of his nose. Luckily it wasn’t bleeding.

“Are you okay?” Jim asked and furrowed his brows. Edward took notice of the commissioner’s dishevelled look. “I was pissed and wasn’t watching where I was going. I’m sorry.”

“I’m splendid”, Ed assured and gave him a smile. He thought it was cute how worried Gordon immediately got, instantly dropping the tough boy facade he held in front of his employees at all times. “Dr. Thompkins is in the lab, by the way”, he continued before Jim could even ask. He seemed to have guessed Gordon’s reason to be in the hallway, because the man’s shoulders relaxed.

“Thanks, Ed”, Jim patted Edward on the shoulder before walking around him.

“May I ask what caused such an outburst that you almost broke my nose?” Ed inquired with a slight smirk. Jim glanced at him and sighed so dramatically that it made his moustache shudder.

“Oswald Cobblepot did”, he said and waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t go into the lobby. The guy’s pissed and I’m _not_ dealing with him right now.” With that, Jim walked away and entered the lab, slamming the door close before Edward could ask any further questions. The mention of Oswald Cobblepot’s name had made Ed’s heart jump slightly. Ever since he had moved in Gotham, he had been following the mobster’s every move with the best of his abilities. The story of the Penguin raising from a pathetic servant into the King of Gotham was one that every Gothamite, old or young, knew.

Suddenly Ed was not longer feeling hungry, and despite Gordon’s warning he entered into the lobby. Turned out that James hadn’t been lying. It seemed like nearly everyone had paused their work and were just blatantly staring at the man standing in front of the Commissioner’s Office. The glass door that had earlier stated _JAMES GORDON, COMMISSIONER_ , had a hole through it. And there he was; The Penguin in flesh and blood. Edward had of course seen Penguin in newspapers, in old mugshots and in television, but the man’s presence was truly something to be in awe at now that he was right there, only a dozen feet away from Ed.

Next to Cobblepot stood a taller man, completely bald and lacking eyebrows which already was dooming enough – of course the multiple guns strapped into the harness around his chest didn’t help the situation. Edward recognized the man as Victor Zsasz. It had been clear for years that the man worked for Cobblepot, but they had never been seen so close to one another.

“I’M WAITING!” Edward jumped in the air when Oswald’s scream echoed through the precinct. “Unless the _commissioner_ is too SCARED to converse with me, I’m expecting someone ELSE to do that FOR HIM!” he kept going in a single breath. He was visibly shaking in his tantrum. While everyone else in the room seemed either terrified or irritated, Edward was completely entranced by the man. Everything about him screamed to not interact with him, but the soles of Ed’s feet were already tingling from the need to walk up the stairs and get closer to him.

“Boss, I don’t think-“, the bald man started but as silenced by a smack from Oswald’s walking stick.

“Don’t even start”, the raven-haired man commanded.

“Would you like something to drink?” Edward was just as surprised as everyone else when he realized it was indeed his own voice that was speaking. Oswald turned to look at him with the piercing, mismatched glare. Ed wondered why he had chosen a blue eye instead of his natural green, but it was intriguing and interesting and he _loved_ it.

“You don’t look like a waiter”, Oswald scoffed and fixed his monocle. It had nearly dropped while he was screaming. Edward’s feet carried him up the staircase until he was right next to Oswald. The bald man was staring at him, unblinkingly.

“I’m not, Mr. Penguin, but my offer still stands”, Ed gave the shorter man a wide smile. He was surprised when Cobblepot seemed to actually consider his offer.

“Coffee. Black. Three teaspoons of sugar”, he responded after a moment of silence. Ed was sure he could hear a sigh as everyone in the room let out a breath no one knew they were holding. Edward’s shoulders relaxed a little bit and he pushed back his glasses.

“Coming in no time”, he promised and gestured over at the office they were standing next to. “There’s a coffee machine right there. After you.”

Zsasz entered the office first, opening the door for his boss who waltzed in like he owned the place, shortly following by Edward who immediately rushed to tinker with the coffee machine. He was positively vibrating. Oswald took a seat in James’s reclining office chair and swung his feet onto the table in front of him. Ed pretended to fumble with the machine when in reality he was staring at Cobblepot.

The man had gained quite a bit of weight since the latest mugshot Edward had seen of him, but it only helped him to look more intimidating. He was no longer small and scrawny, balancing on the brink of an eating disorder, instead quite the opposite. The top hat was a good fashion decision, because it made him look taller, and his whole outfit was color coordinated with beautiful purple accents everywhere.

“Do the cops have waiters?” Zsasz asked, examining a fake plant on James’s table.

“Not the last time I was here”, Cobblepot said, throwing his top hat on the table. “Then again. Maybe they just don’t serve criminals.” The two men shared a chuckle. Edward smiled as he placed the cup of coffee in front of Oswald on the table.

“What did you say your name was?” Oswald asked, looking Ed up and down until his eyes stopped at the ID card in his jacket. He sharpened his eyes but quickly gave up and instead took a long sip of his drink

“I didn’t”, Ed said, fumbling with his sleeves. “Edward. Nygma. Sir.”

“Enigma?” Zsasz asked and grinned. “Sure. And I’m Sonic the Hedgehog.”

“Don’t be rude, Victor”, Oswald said. Ed noticed the small smile on his lips. “I’m surprised you even know enigma is a word. You’re dumb as a rock.”

“Hey!” Victor exclaimed, looking dramatically offended. Oswald raised his hand and silenced Zsasz. He looked at Edward again. Ed stared back. He had no issue looking at people straight in the eye for extended amounts of time.

“Where is Jim?” he finally asked. “I saw him disappear where you came from.”

“He’s cooling off in the laboratory”, Ed smirked. “You’re both quite hot-headed.”

“Excuse me?”

“I didn’t mean to offend you”, Ed said quickly and took a wary step back, glancing at the cane on top of Jim’s table.

“You’re bold, Mr. Nygma”, Oswald fiddled with his monocle again.

“I-“, Ed didn’t actually know how to respond.

“What do you do? Certainly not policework”, Oswald interrupted him anyway.

“I’m a forensic scientist. Started here last year”, Ed sounded proud of himself. Oswald raised an eyebrow.

“ _Oswald._ ”

All three of them jolted slightly upon hearing the voice from the doorway. There he was, the man himself; commissioner James Gordon. Oswald’s face shifted into a cunning smile.

“Jim!” he said, delighted. “So nice of you to finally re-join us. Your errand boy already gave me coffee; at least the service works here.” Jim tilted his head and seemed to only now notice Edward standing next to the table. The older man gave a resigned sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“What did I tell you, Ed?” he asked.

“…Not to go into the lobby”, Edward muttered and scratched his neck. “But I wanted to be polite! I didn’t want Mr. Penguin to break your whole door. There’s already, um, a hole.”

“I noticed”, Jim said menacingly and glared at Oswald. “I’m expecting you to pay for that, by the way. And what comes to you”, he looked at Ed, “it’d be nice if you followed my orders.”

“I’ll write a cheque.” Oswald slurped on his coffee loudly. “Don’t be so hard on poor Edward, the boy’s just trying to help. Something most of your employees aren’t too fond of doing, might I add!”

“I’m not talking to you today, Oswald. Get out of my office.”

“We’ve been through thick and thin, Jim, and this is how you treat me? Your friend?” Oswald sounded somber, but Ed could hear a slight tint of amusement, too.

“Do you want me to arrest you for trespassing?” Jim asked.

“I’ve done worse things, trust me”, Oswald laughed, but obliged and got up from the chair. It shrieked when the weight of the man left it empty.

“Ed”, Edward perked up when Gordon called him, “would you be so kind as to escort Mr. Cobblepot out?” His smile was fake as hell, but Ed answered it with a dashingly genuine one and nodded. He rushed to the door and held it open for Oswald and Zsasz, who left with a wide grin and a bow. Everyone was still staring at them when Ed walked through the lobby, the two criminals in tow. Oswald seemed quite fond of attention, because he didn’t even try to hide his face in the middle of the crowd. His smile did however fade as he realized Zsasz was no longer by his side.

“Victor!” he screeched as he turned around and saw the bald man sitting on a table in front of detective Alvarez, clearly flirting with the man. Zsasz glanced over his shoulder and waved.

“You go ahead, Boss!” he said as if it was his decision. “I’ll be a minute.”

Oswald let out an exasperated sigh and spun on his heels, facing Edward again. Ed knew the curiosity was probably shining on his face. He truly found it admirable how bold and carefree Victor Zsasz was. Cobblepot seemed to notice this, because he tugged on Edward’s arm and began dragging him towards the front doors.

“Does Mr. Zsasz have a crush on Alvarez?” Ed asked, still glancing over his shoulder to catch the last peeks of the blush that was hovering over the detective’s face.

“You ask that like I’m their relationship consultant”, Oswald snarled, stopping his frenzy in front of the door. “But, if I were to make an educated guess”, he glanced over at Victor giving heart-eyes at Alvarez, “I would say yes.”

“Poor Alvarez”, Ed chuckled. He didn’t particularly like Alvarez, the guy was always belittling him, but having an assassin fall in love with you? Not something Edward wished for even his worst enemy.

“Edward?”

Ed turned around and looked at Oswald. Now that the raven-haired man wasn’t angry anymore, his eyes were even more beautiful. Ed really wanted to stare at them for longer, but Oswald blinked and broke the moment. “You’ve been rather kind to me today”, Oswald said and straightened his back. Ed wondered if his lanky appearance made the shorter man insecure about his height. “I would like to repay you in some way.”

“That- that’s not necessary, I swear”, Ed fumbled with his words a little bit. He was surprised by the offer. He really didn’t think he had done anything special to deserve such treatment. Was giving a cup of coffee all it took to win someone’s heart over?

“Nonsense”, Oswald shook his head. “Are you free this Friday evening?”

“I’m free every evening”, Ed said, realizing how pathetic it sounded. Oswald smiled.

“You’re more than welcome to join me at the Iceberg Lounge for some dinner and drinks, then”, he said. “On the house, of course.”

“I’m not really a drinker”, Ed admitted.

“At least consider it”, Oswald asked, sounding ever so slightly demanding. Was it really Edward’s place to decline such an offer? Would he find himself assassinated if he said no? Would he be fired if he was publicly seen with a famous crime lord?

“It would be a pleasure”, Ed gave a wide smile and clasped his hands behind his back. Oswald looked incredibly pleased.

“II will send my driver to pick you up on Friday. Eight pm sharp.” Edward rushed to find a piece of paper from his pocket, accompanied with a pen, and scribbled his address on it. He handed it to Cobblepot who folded it neatly into his pocket. The man fixed his top hat and shifted his piercing eyes to Zsasz.

“VICTOR!” he screamed so loud that it made everyone except for Zsasz to jump in the air. The bald man turned around calmly and smiled.

“Boss”, he said.

“Get your whore ass over here. We’re leaving!” Oswald commanded and hit the floor with his walking stick. Zsasz gave a disappointed glance over at Alvarez, whose face was like a rotten tomato. Ed was surprised Alvarez hadn’t lost his temper yet, throwing the criminal out of the nearest window or something. Alvarez sure had the muscle to do so. Zsasz slid off the table and blew a kiss at Alvarez before walking out the door after Cobblepot.

So apparently Edward had a date with the Penguin now. Splendid.


	2. you take me places that tear up my reputation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so glad you seemed to enjoy the first chapter! i didn't get to answering all your lovely comments, but i truly appreciate them ^^  
> side note, 'mercy on my heart' should return tomorrow (hopefully), so please look forward to it! :) <3

Edward had gotten off work at six, but truly hadn’t been able to focus on anything all day long. He had walked into a glass door when they had gone to examine a homicide sight and had dropped his teacup on the floor in the break room, making Officer Dougherty scream in anguish because the tea splattered on his new jeans. Ms. Kringle had saved Ed from getting his head ripped off his shoulders – yet another thing to be head over heels about. The only reason why he hadn’t made a bigger fool of himself in front of Kringle was because he was too occupied thinking of Penguin.

Since the moment he had stepped a foot into his home, Ed had been wondering what on Earth he should be wearing to this dinner meeting of his. Was it too casual to show up in a pair of jeans and a sweater? Was a suit too formal? He didn’t really even have any suits. He had never been fitted into one and his abnormally long limbs made every suit too short around the ankles and wrists. Cobblepot was _never_ seen without a penguin suit nowadays, and Ed was sure that a suit was like lounge wear for the man. Still, though...

After 45 minutes of slowly ascending panic, Ed finally stood in front of the mirror with a mint green dress shirt, a black vest, a tie and straight black pants. The cool evening weather would be an excuse to wear a more comfortable autumn coat rather than a suit jacket, so he didn’t want to bother. He looked at his wrist watch – 7:30pm. He still had 30 minutes to spare; he was sure Penguin’s driver would be right on time in fear of getting killed for not doing his job right. At least Ed would have been.

He fiddled with his hair a little bit. The weather in Gotham was always gloomy and wet, if not straight up rainy then at least misty, and his hair had curled up during the walk from GCPD. He wasn’t very fond of his curly hair, and while he didn’t really give much thought to the way he looked, a hair straightener was something he used every single morning. He decided against the straightener, however, because his hands were shaking from mere nervousness. He didn’t want to burn his forehead.

He wandered mindlessly around his small apartment and finally opted on the sofa. It was weird for him to be home this early. Usually he tried to spend as much time at work as physically possible, having fallen asleep on his desk multiple times. He didn’t want to be at home, because every moment in the tiny, dimly lit apartment made him realize just how miserably boring his life was, both aesthetically and socially. The only pastime activities he really had were reading and tinkering with whatever old stuff he picked up at thrift stores. His current project, a clock, was spread in about a hundred pieces over his dinner table.

The clock finally arrived at 7:55, and Ed pulled on his jacket, almost knocking over the coat rack in his thoughts. He checked his pockets. Yep – keys, phone, wallet, a pack of tissues just in case the food would be extra spicy, a couple of painkillers. Everything was just as it should have been. He pushed his door open and slid into the hallway. He was too fidgety to wait for the elevator and just ran down the stairs instead. It was probably the safer option, anyway. This was not a good time to be stuck in a lift.

Ed immediately recognized his drive as he stepped out of the apartment building. There was absolutely no other reason for a whole limousine, black and polished, to be parked on his street. As soon as the driver spotted him, he got out of the car and saluted him before walking over to his side and opening the back door of the vehicle. Ed had never been in a limousine, but he was certainly not disappointed when he crawled inside. It was spacious, which his long legs were thankful for, and also had some kind of a mini fridge. Edward did not touch it – he already felt intrusive as it was.

The driver didn’t say a word to him during the ten minute car drive. Ed had searched up the location of Iceberg Lounge and the time it would take to drive there, but he hadn’t realized how incredibly difficult a limousine was to get through the Friday evening’s traffic in Gotham where absolutely no one used public transport. They moved through at an agonizingly slow pace, with Edward nervously fidgeting with his Rubik’s cube keychain. He solved the puzzle five times within the drive. Finally, the car pulled to a stop and the driver got out. The blue neon umbrella at the side of the building made Ed squint his eyes a little. It had been so dark in the car.

The driver escorted Ed inside the lounge, which Ed was surprised to find completely empty. Apparently by “having dinner and drinks”, Penguin had meant reserving the entire space for himself. In a way, Edward was glad. He had never liked bars or large crowds of noisy people. They made him into an anxious mess.

“Edward Nygma.” He snapped out of his thoughts at the voice. He looked up and saw Oswald walking up to them, simultaneously dismissing the driver with a wave of his hand. Ed had been absolutely right to think that the man would show up in a suit. It was a different one to the one he had worn at GCPD on Wednesday, but it looked equally as nice and expensive. “It is so good to see you”, Oswald said and held his hand up with a smile. Edward shook it, not managing to hide his smile either. It was such an obscure thought that someone was delighted to see him.

“You too, Mr. Penguin”, he said as they began making their way into a corner table. It was the only one prepared for eating, with purple and silver serviettes and the blue umbrella light on above the table. “I must say the place blew me away. I’ve never been here before, but the interior design is... something.” Ed nodded slightly at the penguin statues and the huge, seemingly real iceberg in the middle of the whole room.

“Designed it myself. Mr. Victor Fries helped with the execution”, Oswald sat down at the table and gestured for Ed to do the same. He did, no questions asked. Well, except for one.

“Victor Fries? As in Mr. Freeze?” Ed’s eyes had widened a little. “I didn’t know he worked for you.”

“Everyone works for me, Edward dear. Mr. Fries is rather fond of _cold, hard cash_.”

“I think I can see why”, Edward chuckled at the play on words. Oswald clasped his hands together.

“I didn’t invite you here to talk about my employees, now did I. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to eat”, he said. Ed couldn’t argue with the statement. He had purposefully not eaten a thing after lunch because he was certain he would get his stomach full at the hands of Gotham’s kingpin. Especially the kingpin who was known to own multiple restaurants and who clearly had an eye for good food. “I’m not quite sure what you’d like, so I just told them to make the whole menu.”

“Oh my”, Ed uttered. He had eyed the menu already as they spoke, and there seemed to be about twenty different dishes. Even though Oswald wasn’t skinny, Ed really doubted he could stomach that amount of food. “I’m not picky. I guess if I had to say a preference, anything heavily seasoned.”

“We seem to be the opposite’s then”, Cobblepot said and snapped his fingers to get the attention of the woman standing behind the bar. She immediately came over, pulling out a pen and a notepad. “Go ahead”, he told Edward who clumsily grabbed the menu, going over it.

“The Bhut Joloika Wings sound really good”, Ed said slowly. Truth be told, he had never heard of them, but the ingredients mentioned hot sauce and chicken so he figured he wouldn’t die. “And just water with ice for a drink, please.”

“Everything here comes with ice”, Oswald joked and waved the waitress off. He noticed Edward’s confused expression at the gesture. “They know my order by heart.”

Oswald clearly hadn’t lied about the “making the whole menu” thing, because it took barely a minute for their meals to arrive. Edward could have fainted at the sight. He wasn’t really the type to eat out often, mainly because it would just be incredibly sad for a man in his mid-20s to sit alone in the corner of a restaurant on a Saturday night. Oswald immediately got into his plate without further discussion, so Ed also picked up his utensils and begun figuring out how to eat the meal he had ordered.

“Oh dear God...”, he muttered after taking the first bite. It was absolutely delicious. He swallowed and his eyes rolled back slightly. It was the best thing he had ever eaten. Oswald looked at him, a very faint shade of red covering his pale face. Ed realized his face had probably been rather improper considering the situation.

“I’m going to assume that was a positive reaction”, Oswald chuckled and sipped on his glass of wine.

“Positive is an understatement. I thought _my_ food was good, but this?” Ed pointed at his plate with the fork. “Amazing.”

“I’m glad you like it”, Oswald said. “I have no idea what half the spicy foods taste like. I can’t stomach the pepper for the life of me.”

They kept eating and lightly conversing about whatever came to mind. Oswald seemed to be extremely interesting in Edward’s life, which was something Ed simply couldn’t understand. He was probably the most uninteresting 25-year-old on the whole planet with his geeky hobbies and weird interests. The conversation naturally died down when Ed was on his last piece of chicken, but at that point he realized just how incredibly warm he was feeling. He had thought that the last thing he would feel was sweaty, in a lounge covered in literal ice.

“You look a little sweaty. Are you okay?” Cobblepot seemed to have noticed.

“I- I’m perfect”, Ed made an okay sign with his hand and slightly loosened his tie. “Wait.” The realization hit him at the same time that the ghost pepper did. He had popped the last bite of chicken into his mouth and he came to the burning epiphany that his throat was, in fact, on fire.

“Oh Christ”, he uttered, chugging the rest of his water. “It’s, uhh. The pepper. God, you were _so_ right about the pepper!” Oswald seemed to have an inner argument on whether to be concerned about the younger man or to laugh his ass off as Ed poured another glass of water, drinking it so needily that some of it dripped down his chin.

“Are you _sure_ you’re fine?” Oswald handed him a napkin with a grin.

“Never better!” Ed assured and smiled despite every taste receptor in his body screaming for help. “The chicken was sooooo good! The burn is incredible, I assure you.”

“I can tell”, Oswald rested his chin on his palm and laughed. “I know something that could help you”, he realized and called the waitress over again. Edward was too occupied on not dying to hear what the man told her, but she disappeared back into the kitchen within seconds.

Just as Ed had kind of managed to calm down and prevented himself from choking, the woman returned. She placed a massive glass goblet, filled to the brim with ice cream. There were probably at least ten different flavors; vanilla, mint, strawberry, chocolate, liquorice...

“Dairy products help with the burn”, Oswald said, grabbing a spoon and digging into the dessert first-handed. Edward, of course, knew this, but hadn’t thought he could just ask for a cup of milk in a bar. Ice cream was so logical, though. Ice cream at the Iceberg Lounge. Ed grabbed a spoon and begun taste testing all the different scoops of ice cream.

“Now that we’ve dealt with your near-death experience”, Oswald said, licking the spoon mid-sentence, “I believe it would be good to discuss the real reason I invited you over.” Ed was suspecting something like that to come out of Cobblepot’s mouth at one point or another. The Penguin was a man of favors and never did anything unless it benefited him.

“Of course. That would be good. Yes”, Ed fumbled with his words. It felt like his tongue was swollen from the ghost pepper, and it certainly didn’t help with talking.

“While my employees are good at blackmail and eavesdropping, I’ve been looking for someone to have eyes and ears inside the GCPD for quite some time now”, Oswald explained and took a spoonful of the chocolate ice cream. “Someone trustworthy to give me intel on what’s happening in the precinct. What Jim Gordon gets up to. The warrants, the files, everything.”

“And you think I’m that person?” Ed asked and couldn’t hold back a small laugh. Oswald looked at him with a piercing look and his smile quickly faded. It kind of felt like the bottom of his stomach had dropped off.

“Yes, Edward. I think you’d be most splendid for the job”, Penguin said, completely genuine. “You’re smart, work in the precinct on the daily, and no one seems to really pay attention to you. Tell me, of course, if I’ve been mistaken.” Something in his tone didn’t manage to hide the true meaning of his words. While it wasn’t said out loud, Oswald was clearly saying “say no and you’ll find yourself on the street faster than you can say your own name.”

“I’d say that’s a pretty accurate description of me, yes”, Ed said warily.

“Your efforts would of course be repaid generously”, Oswald added fast. “Free meals in all my restaurants anytime. A private drive to work and back on the daily. Cash or bank deposits, just name your price.”

“All that for what? That I’m your little secret agent inside the precinct?” Ed asked with mint ice cream in his mouth. God, it felt so good after the pepper.

“Yes, basically”, Oswald smiled and placed his spoon on the table. He leaned back on the seat and looked at Ed, waiting for his answer.

“If you trust me for that position...”, Ed said quietly, the cogs of his brain turning. He was going to regret this as soon as he left the lounge. But something in the way that Oswald believed in him... No one else ha ever placed such an intriguing task on his shoulders. “I’d be honored to help you, Mr. Penguin.”

Oswald’s face turned into an incredibly pleased smile. “Then it’s settled”, he said and held out his hand again, much like at the start of the evening. Edward hesitated for only a second before grabbing it. Oswald’s hand was much colder than his. It sent shivers down his spine, but in the best possible way.

So apparently Edward was working for the Penguin now. Splendid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought it would be funny to end all chapters with a similar notion; let me know if it's more endearing or irritating :D


	3. if we lost our minds and we took it way too far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is probably a little messy, because it was originally going to be split into two, but i ended up just posting the whole thing as a singular chapter! thanks again for all the sweet comments, they made me super happy <3

Oswald kept his promise of getting Ed a private drive to work. When Edward stepped out of his apartment next Monday morning, he saw the familiar limousine parked on the sidewalk, waiting for him. He had no idea how Oswald had managed to contain his work schedule – which was ever-changing since he sometimes spent a full 24 hours at the precinct – but he wasn’t one to complain as he took a seat and got to enjoy a cup of ice cold water from the water dispenser inside the vehicle. It certainly beat walking to work in rain or trying to get past the Monday morning traffic with his own car.

It was no surprise that his arrival caused a few heads to turn when the limousine parked in front of the GCPD and he emerged from it with a huge smile on his face. For someone who had slept for maybe three hours the previous night, he was feeling rather ecstatic. As he was climbing up the front stairs of the police department, someone caught up to him.

“Damn, riddle boy’s upgraded, huh?” He recognized officer Dougherty’s voice before even feeling the heavy arm around his shoulder. He decided not to question why the man was wearing nothing but a muscle tee in October, and attempted to shake his arm off, to no avail. “Why the limo?” Tom demanded to know.

“Can’t one enjoy nice things for no reason in particular?” Ed asked with a smile. God, he wanted to gag when he looked at the man next to him. Ed wasn’t one to hold grudges, but if there was one person he consistently wanted to fling off a rooftop, it was officer Dougherty. Just the smug, condescending smile he always had on his face... Infuriating.

“Be careful”, Tom instructed as he opened the door and slid in before Edward. “Could get the idea you’re trying to impress _someone_. Oh, Kristen!” he noticed the familiar ginger woman in the lobby and seemed to forget all about Ed. He gave the brunette a wink before running after Kringle. Ed sighed and brushed the shoulders of his coat. He wouldn’t have been surprised if Dougherty was carrying the plague. At least one thing he possessed was a serious case of Asshole Syndrome.

The rest of the week went by with rather similar results. Commissioner Gordon had wondered how Ed had gotten the money for such a luxury – “Damn, Ed, I really don’t pay you enough to be spending your money on limos.” – and even Kristen Kringle herself had complimented Edward on “looking kind of different recently”. That was probably the highlight of his week. He wasn’t sure if Kristen had meant it as a compliment or not, but he certainly took it as one.

When Friday rolled around, he had gathered plenty of information to share with Penguin. And, just like Oswald had predicted, no one suspected a thing. Jim had actually _helped_ Ed to go through a few files that possessed information of Oswald’s acquaintances. Ed might have stolen a few papers when the commissioner wasn’t looking. All this double agent thing was the exact type of excitement Ed had needed in his life. It was liberating and made him feel like he had a purpose. And of course, how could one be disappointed to receive money on their bank account on the daily? It was like the daily allowance he never had as a child. Except this one was worth 100 dollars every single day.

Edward arrived at the Iceberg Lounge that evening at eight o’clock, much like the previous week, to find it empty again. He truly didn’t understand how the most popular club in all of Gotham was able to afford being closed at a time like this, but he didn’t question Cobblepot’s leadership skills. He was once again greeted with a cool handshake and delicious food. This time he decided against the spicy chicken and went with what Oswald was having instead; goulash. It was the same meal he had eaten the last time they were here.

“It’s my mother’s recipe. The best goulash in the world”, Oswald explained after Ed had questioned it.

“Your mother was from Hungary, right?” Ed confirmed. He remembered reading some old newspaper article from maybe a decade ago when Oswald’s mother had passed. Oswald nodded.

“They migrated to America when she was a child”, he said.

“I wish I could have met her”, Edward said and took a sip of his water. “I mean, the woman who raised _The Penguin_ must’ve been quite the lady.”

“She was the most kind, sweet and caring person on Earth. She would’ve loved a kind, sweet, caring man like yourself.” Ed couldn’t help but blush slightly at the sentiment. Luckily the dim, blue lighting inside the club probably hid it pretty well. “Shall we discuss what you’ve been up to for the past week?” he changed the subject before getting too melancholic.

Edward grabbed his bag and presented a neat folder, inside which were multiple notes written by him as well as the papers he had snatched from the archives. He had also printed out a few phone conversations that had been saved from Gordon’s phone. He looked very proud of himself as Oswald browsed through the file, the smile on his lips growing wider and wider by the minute. Finally, he finished leafing through the papers and raised his eyes to look at Edward with a pleased look on his face.

“You exceeded my expectations, Edward”, he said and placed the papers on the corner couch next to him. “I am more than satisfied with this week’s work. Well done.”

“Those seven hundred dollars warming my wallet might have raised my motivation a little bit”, Ed admitted with a cheeky smile. Oswald laughed and patted Edward’s arm on the table.

“I assure you there will be a lot more of that if you keep this up”, he said with a grin. “Is there anything else I could get you as a thank you?”

“I- You really like pampering me, huh?” Ed said and laughed a tiny bit. Oswald just looked at him with a content smile.

“Guilty”, he assented with a tilt of his head.

“I mean I’m not complaining”, Ed raised his hands in a mock surrender. “If we’re honest, there is some tech stuff I’ve been drooling for the past few months. My hands are itchy to get into them...”

“How’s about I take you shopping tomorrow, then?” Oswald suggested nonchalantly. Edward raised his eyebrows.

“Are you sure?” he asked, suddenly feeling very sheepish.

“If there is one thing bigger than my stomach, it’s my bank account, Edward”, Oswald chuckled. “Yes, I’m sure.” Their shared laughter was interrupted with a loud bang emitting from the door. A gunshot. Oswald immediately shot up from the couch with a speed Ed had never seen and pulled out his own handgun from his back pocket. Ed was glad to know he always came prepared, although the thought of him saying one thing wrong and getting a bullet through his skull became pretty prevalent all of sudden. From the shadows they could hear a loud curse, and then two figures arrived into their eyesight.

“Victor, WHAT THE HELL?!” Oswald’s top hat dropped on the ground because he was shaking so aggressively. Edward could already sense the tantrum building up. The air felt static. The bald man himself looked quite bewildered too, eyes wide.

“Alvarez pushed me against the door and the safety on my gun was off and then it accidentally shot, and I think I made a hole through the door and-“

“WHAT?” Oswald’s mismatched glare shot on the man standing a few feet away from Zsasz.

“Detective Alvarez?” Ed said with a questioning tone. He had also stood up but wasn’t quite sure if he dared to approach the furious Penguin.

“Nygma?” Alvarez squinted his eyes in the dim light. “You- wait, what?”

“Why is he here? Victor, I’m waiting!” Oswald had pocketed his monocle probably afraid he was going to shatter it in his rage.

“We...”, Victor glanced at Alvarez who was looking rather flustered. “We thought no one would be here. Or actually we thought everyone would be here and no one would see us but, uhh, I forgot about the meeting. Whoops.”

“That doesn’t answer the question, Vic-“

“Oh my, you were making out.” Everyone turned to look at Edward who had a devious smile on his face. He ha already noticed the bruising around Zsasz’s exposed neck, and how unusually pink his lips looked. How Alvarez had his tie open and the first few buttons of his dress shirt ripped. His messy hair.

“You... you were _MAKING OUT_?” Oswald screeched and turned to face Victor again. The assassin looked like a lost puppy, side-eyeing Alvarez for comfort.

“What were you up to yourself, Nygma?” Alvarez shifted the attention away from himself by a counter-question, despite the obvious blush on his face. “Looks like a pretty romantic, intimate dinner meeting if you ask me. Does Penguin have a secret lover?”

Ed wasn’t sure if the blush on Oswald’s face was thanks to his anger or the assumption Alvarez had just laid out. “I- We’re not- Edward-“, he struggled to start his sentence. He looked at Ed, clearly in need of serious guidance.

“Meeting here, in the dark, in private? Sounds romantic to me”, Zsasz tuned in despite already getting on Oswald’s nerves. “Not my type, personally, but-“

“We are NOT on a DATE, Victor!” Oswald shouted and pointed his gun at the man. Zsasz didn’t look too phased for someone at gunpoint. “We- we were only-“

“Mr. Penguin is my sugar daddy.”

Ed felt all six eyes burning through his face. His feet had somehow taken him right next to Oswald, whose shoulders he now touched, trying to calm the other down. It truly seemed like Cobblepot had lost the ability to speak, because he just stared at Edward with a mix of sheer horror and utter confusion. Zsasz’s mouth had frozen slightly open and Alvarez had flushed a burgundy color.

“Yeah I’m out”, the detective finally said. He took a couple steps back, turned around and practically ran out of the club, leaving Zsasz alone at Oswald’s mercy.

“I did not see that coming”, Victor said with a tilt of his head and looked at Edward, who was cowering behind Oswald, afraid to look at the older man in the eyes.

“Victor dear, could you _please_ fuck off?” Oswald asked with a painfully kind voice. Zsasz took the hint and disappeared after a quick “sorry ‘bout the door, Boss.” They were left alone once more. Edward slowly let go of Oswald’s shoulders and took a cautious step back when the shorter man faced him.

“I panicked”, Edward said before Oswald could even think of what to say. “I panicked and that was the first thing to come to mind, because. Well. Isn’t that technically... what we’re doing, anyway?” He laughed nervously and fidgeted with the button on his sleeve. He wished Oswald would say something, even if it meant screaming or hitting him across the face for being a moron.

“Edward...”, Oswald finally said. His voice was very tired, and he rubbed the bridge of his nose, eyes closed. “I genuinely don’t know if I should be mad at you or flattered.” Well that was certainly not the reaction Ed had awaited.

“Perhaps sleep on it and decide in the morning?” Ed suggested with a scared expression. His jaws were already hurting from clenching his teeth so hard.

“Good idea.” With that, Edward figured it was his queue to leave. Oswald escorted him outside the club and waited for the driver to arrive with him. It had started to rain harder and the older man was kind enough to offer an umbrella for both of them to stand beneath. Ed hated the irony of the gesture.

He arrived at the GCPD on the Saturday morning looking more tired than he had in a while. He simply hadn’t been able to brush of the previous evening’s events and had ended up staying awake the whole night. At least he had finished tinkering with the clock, so that was a positive. Another somewhat positive thing to come out of his morning had been the fact that Oswald’s driver had still showed up at the front door of his building despite everything that had been going on with them. For that, Ed was very grateful.

The second he walked through the doors into the lobby, he got the uncomfortable feeling that everyone was looking at him. He looked at himself warily; had he perhaps forgotten his pants? Was there something on his face? No, everything was just as it should have been. Yet for some reason, anywhere he looked there was someone looking right back at him. This would not have been a terrible thing on most occasions, he liked the occasional attention, but he couldn’t shake off the feeling that somehow this had something to do with last night.

His thought was confirmed to be correct when James Gordon called him up to his office. The window was still broken after Penguin’s temper tantrum, but it was truly the least of Edward’s worries when Jim slammed that morning’s newspaper, Gotham Daily, on his desk in front of Ed. His heart almost jumped out of his chest when he read the headline: **_WHO IS OSWALD COBBLEPOT’S SUGAR BABY?_** Underneath the huge title there was a somewhat blurry photo, one of which Ed immediately recognized. Someone had managed to snap a picture of them underneath the umbrella from the previous night. He had a sneaking suspicion that the “unnamed provider of the scoop” was none other than Carlos Alvarez himself.

“This is plastered all over the news, Ed. Gotham Daily, The Gotham Time, you name it; they’ve got it”, James said, rubbing his moustache with enough power to probably rip it off. “Would you like to explain yourself?”

“Um”, Edward pushed back his glasses, examining the article more closely. “Oh dear.” Jim looked like he wanted throw the nearest object through a wall.

“ _The whole city is trying to figure out who the mysterious young man, seen with the infamous Penguin last night in quite intimate circumstances, is. The anonymous source has confirmed that the man indeed called Cobblepot his “sugar daddy” in an event prior to the photo above getting taken. The question stands; who, indeed, is this inscrutable man?_ ” Ed muttered the scoop out loud, feeling his face getting hotter with every passing second. He was momentarily relieved that Alvarez – or Zsasz, he could have been the culprit too – hadn’t exposed his identity, but the photo was clear enough to expose his face. He couldn’t even focus on the fact that it was a pretty poor picture of him, because Jim snatched the newspaper back and crossed his arms.

“I will give you thirty minutes to come up with an explanation to this, and three good reasons why I should not throw the coffee machine at you”, Jim said and dismissed Edward with a wave of his hand. With that, Ed exited the commissioner’s office and could barely prevent himself from having a breakdown right then and there. He had no time for such a thing, though, because as soon as he walked down the stairs back into the base level of the lobby, he was already circled by multiple police officers.

“Is it true?” asked a man who Ed remembered to be called Pinkney.

“Never thought of you as someone like that, Nygma”, came someone’s voice from behind him.

“He’s blushing, it’s obviously true!” a third officer answered Pinkney’s question.

“Excuse me”, Edward said quietly, trying to get his way through the crowd of co-workers. “I’m sorry, I have work to do. Excuse me...”

“Where is Edward Nygma?!”

Everyone paused what they were doing upon hearing the sound from the doorway. Ed prayed for the floor to suck him in itself. He immediately recognized the voice without even being able to see the man in question. One positive thing about the situation was that Oswald Cobblepot was sure to always pull all the attention to himself whenever he was present, so the officers around Edward got suddenly way more interested in Penguin rather than poor Ed. Oswald was standing at the front of the lobby, cunning stare circling around the precinct before his eyes stopped right on Edward’s face. Damn it, Ed thought when the raven-haired man raised his hand and gestured him to come over.

Acutely aware of everyone staring at him, he very slowly emerged from the crowd and walked across the room. He stopped at the feet of the staircase and swallowed before looking up at Oswald. The room was so quiet one could probably hear a feather falling on the ground. When Oswald took a step closer, Ed instinctively squeezed his eyes shut; he had gotten enough beatings to know where this was going when he noticed Oswald raising his walking stick.

To absolutely everyone’s surprise, first and foremost Edward’s, the expected smack wasn’t heard. Ed opened his eyes, wide as plates, when instead he felt Oswald wrap his arms around him. There was a unified gasp when some of the people present inhaled sharply out of surprise whereas others exhaled deeply out of relief, but Edward felt like he had forgotten how to breathe altogether when Oswald’s own breath ghosted around his ear.

“Play along”, the man whispered so quietly Ed could barely hear it. This was not a place to disagree, and with that in mind Ed managed to hug the shorter man back, despite the incredibly awkward positioning of his arms. They stayed like that for a few seconds, Ed still not being able to even breathe never mind talk, before Oswald broke the embrace and looked at him with a smile.

“It seems like we made it to the front page, Eddie”, he said and snatched a newspaper from a man that had tried to walk past them to no avail. He flipped it to the cover page and Ed was incredibly glad he was no facing his co-workers when Cobblepot raised the newspaper above his head.

“Does someone have an issue with this?” he exclaimed, watching over the entire crowd like a hawk. The room was silent for a moment longer, before it was finally broken by a familiar voice.

“Not at all, Mr. Cobblepot.” Ed could not help himself and turned around just in time to see Alvarez walking up to them. Oswald scoffed with a crooked smile.

“Detective Alvarez. What a pleasure to meet again so soon”, he said and walked past Edward to meet the detective at the foot of the stairs. “A small piece of advice, sir”, Oswald said and pushed the newspaper in Alvarez’s hands. “If you want a good picture for a front page scoop, do not hesitate to ask. I don’t dress like this for nothing.” He gestured at the buttons of his waistcoat that looked to be pure gold. Alvarez didn’t seem to be able to talk anymore. Ed could not blame him, because he felt like he needed to change his pants after the encounter too.

“Now. Is Jim here?” Oswald changed the subject to suddenly that it took everyone by surprise. Ed was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice Oswald was already waltzing through the lobby, on his way to the commissioner’s office. Ed shared a silent look with Alvarez, who glanced behind his shoulder before walking right up to Ed.

“Just between you and me”, Alvarez whispered, “it was Victor, not me.” With that, he walked back to his desk. Slowly, people started working again, but Ed couldn’t move his limbs for a long time.

So apparently Edward now had the Penguin as a sugar daddy. ...Splendid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh eddie what is you doing,,,,,,


	4. manipulate my decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me yesterday: i'm gonna write a new chapter of mercy on my heart tomorrow!  
> me today: hows about i write two chapters of this shit  
> -  
> despite the title of the chapter, this is actually rather wholesome material!!

As Edward had suspected, the sudden burst of attention didn’t just die down within a day after Penguin had publicly confirmed the rumor that had been blasted all over the newspapers. Commissioner Gordon had practically begged him to take a day off for Monday, because ever since the story started spreading, more and more people arrived at the police department just to see this magical boy who had managed to “twist Penguin around his finger”. On Sunday he had been stopped on three different occasions just to confirm the rumors were actually correct. It made him jumpy and quite anxious and he gladly took the paid time off after it had been offered to him.

He decided that he would spend his Monday trying to fix whatever was left of his reputation in the eyes of his boss and fellow citizens. While no one had flat out called him any bad words after the news, Ed couldn’t shake off the feeling that he was the most public whore in all of Gotham right at that moment. Which was why he called a taxi to take him to the Iceberg Lounge where he begged for Oswald to be found. The club was closed on Mondays, and especially in the mid-afternoon there should be no one else there except maybe a couple of his employees.

When he got to the door of the building, he was met with a grumpy-looking security guard. Ed was well aware he probably looked about fourteen years old at that moment, but surprisingly enough the guard said nothing, asked no questions and just let him walk through the doors with a nod of his head. He arrived at the lounge to find exactly what he was looking for; Oswald Cobblepot, standing at the center of the room, with another man by his side. Even though Ed didn’t see the man’s face it was not difficult to recognize him as Victor Fries. The snow white hair and the mist emitting from his armor was hard to miss.

“I was thinking you could carve some statues out of the ice?” Ed heard Oswald talk as he approached them with careful steps.

“Huh. Like penguins or something? To go with those little dudes?” Fries gestured over to the blue glass statues.

“Our minds think alike, friend.”

“Mr. Penguin?” Ed said sheepishly. Oswald turned around in an instant, top hat dangerously close to falling on the floor again. It reminded Edward of the events of last Friday. Victor also shifted in his stance, rolling his abnormally blue eyes when he recognized Edward.

“Leave us”, Oswald ordered, and the taller man left with a sigh. The air temperature immediately seemed to raise when the man was no longer around. Oswald watched the armored man disappear behind the silver curtains before turning his gaze upon Edward.

“What gives me this pleasure?” he asked and leaned on the beak-headed walking stick.

“I... I figured it would be good to talk about- about us. Our relationship?” Ed had a hard time finding the right words. “I mean. I appreciate you covering my butt after the lie I fed Zsasz and Alvarez but how does that change things?”

“I thought we were already clear on this, Ed.” Oswald took off his monocle and started polishing it with a handkerchief.

“We were?” Ed asked, somewhat flabbergasted. He did not remember conversing about this. “The whole city seems to have started calling you “Papa Penguin”. You’re fine with that? Isn’t that kinda bad for your reputation?”

“Edward”, Oswald raised a hand to silence him, “the thing that truly matters in this situation is how you’re feeling about this arrangement. Obviously, all of Gotham believes there is something more to our friendship than a business relation. Do you feel unsafe with that?”

“That’s not important! The whole city thinks I’m your... boy toy!” Ed hadn’t noticed the raise in his volume, but quickly regretted it because Oswald’s small smile had faded in an instant. Ed tried to recompose himself and closed his eyes for a moment, blowing out a breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding. “I know it’s my own fault for being stupid. For being... me. I’m sorry for shouting.”

Oswald stepped forward and grabbed Ed’s arm gently. “I will call everything off if you say so, but do think about this”, he said, placing his monocle back on to get a better look at the younger man’s face. “If you stay on my side, you will have more benefits than any man your age. Free food, transportation and gifts of your choosing. Practically free cash in your pocket under all circumstances. All you have to do is pretend to like me.”

“I do like you”, Edward said, maybe a bit too eagerly. “I mean. Not- not like how they think I like you. I. I’m not in love-“

“I understand what you’re saying”, Oswald dismissed him with a wave of his hand. “Let’s just keep up the facade for now, shall we? What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“Me getting fired because I work for the police as well as a crime lord?”

“Has Jim been causing trouble?” Oswald furrowed his eyebrows.

“No!” Ed said quickly. It was his turn to grab Cobblepot’s arm. “Maybe I’m just paranoid. All the publicity is a little much.”

“I assure you you’ll be completely safe with this arrangement. I care about you, Edward. Maybe even more than I’d like to admit, and I will not stand for any discomfort anyone will cause you”, Oswald’s voice was so genuine that Ed was surprised he hadn’t straight up burst into tears yet. It was so weird to have someone talk so softly to him; especially someone who was so often described as cruel or brutal.

“Okay”, Ed said and smiled a little. They looked at one another for a moment with content expressions, before Edward’s turned ever so slightly devious. “So now that that’s settled... Should I start calling you _daddy_ when we’re in public?”

Oswald flushed red. “If you want me to die of a stroke, go ahead”, he tried to brush it off with a joke, but Edward saw through his facade. The thought clearly intrigued the raven-haired man.

“You said you’d take me shopping on Saturday, but your assassin buddy interrupted the conversation”, Ed remembered suddenly, the grin on his lips widening. He couldn’t help but get a tiny bit of satisfaction to see Cobblepot squirm.

“You’re absolutely right!” Oswald seemed glad they had changed the topic and straightened his back. “My offer still stands. Whatever you want, I’ll get it for you.”

“Mmm... Wayne Enterprises just released some crazy-good-looking tech to the general public”, Ed recalled reading about it in the newspapers a week back.

“Before that, there is something else we have to take care of”, Oswald interrupted his daydreaming. “I mean no offence, I think you look rather fine the way you are, but if we’re going to be seen together, you should maybe get a new wardrobe”, the man continued, eyeing the old, fuzzy sweater Edward was currently wearing. “And maybe a hair stylist.”

Edward had never cared about dressing up in fancy outfits, but he couldn’t help but get excited when Oswald dragged him through multiple high-end clothing stores in the biggest shopping centre Gotham had to offer. It was the posh version of the mall Ed usually visited, with every single piece of clothing costing at least three figures no matter what store they went into.

If there was one thing Oswald was good at, it was fashion. Ed was grateful he wasn’t forced into uncomfortably fancy suits in every chance, but instead Oswald let him explore a lot of different things; shirts, shoes, hats, jewellery... He was surprised to get very enthusiastic by a massive, warm winter coat that was the softest fur he had ever laid his hands upon. It was something he would have run away from if he had seen it hanging in any store, a very saturated dyed green ball of fluff, but Oswald demanded he’d try it on, and he had fallen in love immediately. They had exited the store with Oswald 800 dollars poorer.

Oswald had insisted that Ed should get fitted at least into one suit, especially after Ed had admitted on not owning a single proper suit. When they entered the suit store – apparently it was Oswald’s favourite –, Ed could’ve fainted just from seeing the rows after rows of clothes hanging from the racks. The overly excited costumer spent probably the better half of an hour taking all kinds of measurements from Ed’s body, asking absolutely everything from Ed’s favourite color to his zodiac sign, before finally letting him get dressed.

Oswald was resting his bad leg on a nice-looking sofa when Edward emerged from the dressing room with the suit. Ed grinned when he saw the older man’s expression upon seeing him. First his mouth froze agape and then it turned into a huge smile.

“Wow, Ed”, he stated as Ed twirled around the full-body mirror, examining his new clothes. The shade of green was very pleasant, not too hard on the eye and slightly mysterious-looking. It was a pretty tight fit but felt comfortable and hugged his lean body in all the right places. For a moment he just admired the way the pants brought out the shape of his ass. Yeah – maybe this dress-up game of theirs wasn’t so bad after all.

“You are looking quite the dapper fellow”, Oswald had stood up and approached him, now standing behind him and watching in awe. Ed turned around with a grin on his face.

“This is so much fun”, he admitted and clasped his hands together. “Thank you, Mr. Penguin.”

“You better use these new clothes of yours and not fall back into the broken-down knitted sweaters”, Oswald poked him with his cane and winked playfully. Ed glanced over at the sofa where four massive bags of clothes were placed half-heartedly. Thankfully, Oswald had thought of bringing a bodyguard with him – a big and buff man standing further away with a completely blank expression. Poor man was going to have the job of carrying thousands of dollars’ worth of clothes back into Ed’s small apartment.

“I think we need to buy me like an actual wardrobe to store those in”, Ed vocalized his thoughts and tilted his head a little. He did have a small walk-in closet, but it was filled to the brim with everything except for clothes. Maybe he’d have to call over Marie Kondo to do something about the situation.

“That reminds me”, Oswald perked up suddenly. “I have been thinking... Since we basically work together now, and everyone already excepts us to be a _thing_...”, his voice trailed off and he looked away from Edward’s face.

“What is it?” Ed asked eagerly.

“Would- would you like to move into the Van Dahl mansion?” Oswald got out. He wasn’t the only one blushing. Ed could feel a slight warmth on his own face, too. “There would be more room and it would be easier to share information if we were around one another. Of course, you’d get a complete room of your own and-“

“Mr. Penguin”, Edward interrupted with a smile. Oswald looked at him and visibly swallowed. Edward took his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I would like that very much.” The relief was clear on the shorter man’s face, and it made Ed’s smile even wider. Who on Earth would decline moving into a whole mansion? For free of charge? It was certainly an upgrade from his open plan apartment.

“It makes me so happy to hear that”, Oswald nodded and smiled himself. Edward admitted it was maybe a little strange to move in with a man twenty years older than yourself after knowing said man for about half a month, but his curiosity was very quickly taking over all traces of logical thinking he could squeeze out.

Ed called in on Tuesday morning to inform Jim that he unfortunately could not come to work because of “a cold” he had caught during the weekend. He was fairly certain the commissioner did not believe a word he said, because Edward was known to come to work even at the brink of death, but Gordon didn’t question him and instead just gave him the second day off. Things were moving at such a rapid pace with Penguin that Ed had a hard time wrapping his head around it. The moving crew Oswald had hired were already at the outside of his apartment and he had barely gotten finished with breakfast. He met with Oswald on the front door, still wearing his pyjama pants.

“Good morning”, Edward yawned as he watched two strong men carrying boxloads of books into a van.

“I apologize for the early occasion”, Oswald didn’t look one bit apologetic, “but I thought it would be for the best if we got on with the moving as soon as possible.” Ed couldn’t help but feel a little somber watching his most priced possessions getting thrown into the moving fan. Most of his furniture would be left behind and perhaps donated away or just kept in the apartment for emergencies. Oswald had already assured he would keep paying the rent for Ed just in case something happened, and he would have to move back on short notice.

Ed was absolutely blown away when they arrived at the Van Dahl mansion at midday. He had seen the house a few times in newspaper articles, but much like with Oswald himself, the photos truly didn’t do the house justice. It was old and majestic, filled with expensive-looking furniture and portraits that slightly freaked Edward out if he stared at them for long enough. Most excited he was to discover the small private library the mansion had. He already looked forward to the long nights of cuddling up to a blanket – or maybe even someone else... – with a warm cup of tea and a good book.

So apparently Edward was living with the Penguin now. Splendid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gotham daily: "and they were room mates!"  
> zsasz: "o h m y g o d they were room mates............"


	5. not really into hesitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning; added some tags! there is violence and slight homophobia in this chapter.

The next couple of weeks went by with similar notions. Ed was starting to feel comfortable in the mansion, finding himself to be less and less excited about going to work every passing day. He really just wanted to stay in the huge, soft bed and cuddle the half a dozen pillows he was surrounded by. Even though they now lived together, nothing had really changed between him and Oswald. They were both busy; Edward with work and Oswald with... well, whatever he got up to during the days. Ed still hadn’t dared to start asking about the details of Cobblepot’s life, despite basically being a roommate to him now. Ed did, however, manage to snoop around the mansion whenever Oswald wasn’t home. He had discovered two separate secret rooms already, and he was sure the mansion wasn’t short on all kinds of secrets. It was all just a big jigsaw puzzle, one of which Edward was very keen on solving.

One thing he was not so excited about was Penguin’s pet dog. Somehow the universes had collided, and Oswald had named his dog Edward even prior to meeting Nygma, so now Ed constantly found himself confused as to which Edward Oswald was talking to. One evening at the dinner table he had almost responded to Oswald’s blabbering when the man had said something along the lines of “Oh Edward, you’re such a good boy, aren’t you? Aren’t you?”

Although Edward (the human) had already returned to work almost two weeks ago, the high of the rumors hadn’t quite settled down yet. He was interrupted one afternoon by an eager journalist who was demanding to know every detail about him and Oswald’s relationship. The confidence boost that had taken over Ed after the new wardrobe experience hadn’t lasted, and he had chickened out, running over to James Gordon for support. The woman had insisted on giving Ed her phone number for “further communication”. Ed had enjoyed watching Valerie Vale’s name and number disappear into the shredder.

Both the precinct and Penguin seemed to be on the same page about one thing, and that was the fact that the end of October was rapidly approaching. That, of course, meant Halloween was right around the corner. Ed wasn’t very fond of partying and had never understood the relevance of Halloween to most Americans, but he simply could not have refused when Oswald asked him to partake in the Iceberg Lounge’s annual Halloween gathering. It was also a good excuse to give when the commissioner asked him whether they would “have the pleasure of having Ed around” for their own party.

With the big day three days away, the most excited officers had already started decorating the precinct with all kinds of silly dollar store Halloween decorations they could get their hands on. The pumpkins outside the police department were already mushy and damp from the constant rain Gotham had been plagued with for the past week. Another misfortune that plagued Edward’s life was Tom Dougherty. The guy had never been nice to him, per se, but ever since the scoop, he had been simply unbearable. There was not a single day that would have gone by without the officer nagging him about _something_ , whether it was his new living situation, his new outfits, simply his face...

“You part Irish, riddle boy?” Edward heard the man’s voice behind him but just closed off his ears and tried to get into the locker rooms as quickly as possible. His shift had just ended with two hours overtime, and officer Dougherty was the last person he wished to converse with. He disappeared into the hallway, hearing Tom talk something about leprechauns. Hilarious, he thought, shedding his lab jacket off while walking. Yeah, he was wearing a green dress shirt, but he _liked_ it!

He got up to his locker and opened it with his passcode. He couldn’t be bothered to place the coat into a hanger, and just threw it at the floor of the locker. His locker was one of the things that had suffered greatly after his shopping spree with Penguin. Since the weather was so cold and gloomy, he had busted out the green fur monster he had fallen in love with at one of the boutiques, and it filled his locker to the brim. It was definitely an eye-turner, but in some way, he loved the reactions he got from it. Maybe he was just an attention seeker by heart.

He jumped in the air when the door of the locker room slammed open all of sudden. His surprise quickly turned into irritation when Dougherty emerged from the hallway with a smug look on his face. Ed turned away from the door and focused every fiber of his being to staring at the contents of his locker.

“Since when did you become so impolite, riddle man? Not even a hello to your buddy?” Tom asked, striding across the room and stopping at the mirrors. Ed glanced at him when he started fixing his hair.

“Hello, _Tom_ ”, he decided to play this little game of pissing one another off. Dougherty turned around and laid his eyes upon Ed with a smile.

“You know, I’ve noticed somethin’ about you”, the officer said, slowly beginning to walk closer to the brunette. “You seem different.”

“Funny. That’s exactly what Ms. Kringle said”, Ed said and forced a smile on his face.

“So Kristen’s noticed it too. Smart cookie, that one. Fiery”, Tom leaned against the lockers, crossing his arms with a smirk.

“Indeed.” Ed started packing his bag.

“Would you know? You haven’t seen her angry, like, ever.”

“I don’t intentionally try to make anyone angry. Especially not her”, Ed was beginning to grow tired of this conversation. His head was humming in a very unpleasant fashion, and he knew that whenever it happened, he would have to spend some time alone. “Lovely chatting with you, truly, officer Dougherty. Good night.” He took his coat from the hanger and slammed the locker shut.

“Why so busy? Dinner plans with Papa Penguin?” Tom asked and straightened his form, quickly walking around Ed and blocking his path. Edward felt his ears burn. “I never thought you were gay, Nygma. Then again, one more oddity to the bunch.”

“Me and Mr. Cobblepot’s relationship is purely platonic”, Ed said and stood up as straight as he could. These were the moments when he was glad about his height. It would not have been fun to face Dougherty if he was a head shorter than him.

“Yeah, probably... You wouldn’t drop your little girl crush so easily, would you?”

“My what?” Ed uttered, eyes widening.

“Come on, riddle man. I thought you were supposed to be smart. Doesn’t take a genius to figure out you’re head over heels for my girl”, Dougherty had a menacing smile on his face. Edward was sure his face had flushed red, but he composed himself as quickly as he could, clearing his throat before going on.

“Two things”, he said in a fast-paced tone. “One”, he raised a finger, “yes, perhaps I am interested in Ms. Kringle. Who wouldn’t be? She’s lovely. Two”, another finger flew up before Tom had the time to open his mouth, “she deserves so much better than you. I know you hurt her. I’ve seen the marks on her arms. You’re gross and I don’t understand how she manages to stay with you. Frankly, her taste in men is awful.”

“Bold words from someone who looks like a knitting needle”, Tom’s smile hadn’t faltered during Ed’s speech. “What’s your taste in men, then? Old, fat, rich guys?” he moved closer to Edward, standing so near his breath – stinking of garlic bread – ghosted on his face.

“I think I’m done with this conversation”, Edward stated, moving his gaze away from Dougherty’s intense glare. He took a step back and started to leave, but Tom blocked the way again.

“I have something for you, riddle man”, he said. Ed raised his head, eyebrows furrowed slightly. That was the last thing he had time to do before Dougherty swung forward and punched him in the stomach with full force. Edward’s breath hitched and he couldn’t even shout from pain. Instead, he dropped his coat and bag and collapsed on the floor on his knees, gasping for oxygen.

“Aww, did that hurt?” He could barely hear Tom’s laugh, never mind seeing the man’s face. His eyes had teared up from the hit and he was just able to make out the outline of the man’s shoes. “You want more, buddy?” Tom’s hand was on his shoulder, already pulling him up. The older man slammed him against the lockers so hard Ed felt his backbone crack unpleasantly.

“W-wait”, he uttered, but to no avail. Dougherty kneed him in the abdomen and practically threw him across the room like he was a sack of potatoes. He landed next to the sinks and clanked his head against the porcelain. Edward’s head was spinning and there was a loud ringing in his ears. His glasses were nowhere to be found, no matter how aggressively he tried to grope his surroundings. Tom’s steps echoed in the locker room, moving closer.

“A little tip”, the man said and grabbed a handful of Ed’s hair, forcing the younger man to meet his eyes despite the fact that Edward was practically blind without his glasses, even if his eyes hadn’t been filled with tears of pure agony.

“Women need a firm hand. That goes double for Kringle, the girl’s got a tongue. If you can’t even defend yourself, what are you expecting to do to me?” Edward didn’t respond. He tasted blood in his mouth. Tom spat on his face before letting go of his curls and backing away. Ed heard him stifle a laugh before his steps echoed further away. A door was opened and slammed close. He was alone.

The door didn’t stay closed for long. Ed jolted into a more upwards position despite having no earthly idea who had just walked through the door. He heard a distant voice but couldn’t make out the words. He was still pretty out of it when he felt someone kneel before him.

“Mr. Nygma? E-Edward?” Oh dear, he thought, eyes widening. He recognized that voice. “Can you hear me, Mr. Nygma?”

“Ms. Kr-“, he coughed before getting the words out.

“Your glasses are here.” He felt her hand in his. He fumbled around a bit and got the glasses on his face. Miraculously, they hadn’t broken in their quarrel. He immediately saw the woman before him much more clearly. Kristen Kringle, right there, only a few inches from his face, looking more worried than he had ever seen her.

“I- I heard something odd from here and then Tom- Officer Dougherty walked out of here. He didn’t see me, so I sneaked past him and... Oh my God...” Kristen sounded slightly hysteric. Her eyes were wide with horror as she observed Edward.

“Could you...”, Ed spat up blood. “Could you get me my phone, pretty please?” Kristen obliged in an instant, rushing to grab the phone from his coat pocket. Edward didn’t know what he had done to deserve Ms. Kringle specifically taking care of him, but he was not complaining. With shaky hands, Ed searched for the number he needed and dialled the only person he could turn to in a situation like this.

Penguin’s driver had arrived in record time. He had helped the dishevelled and shaky Edward into the vehicle, walking him through the backdoor of the precinct to avoid any further conflict. Ed had leaned into the blacked out window, watching Kristen change a few words with the driver outside of the car. He didn’t know what they were talking about and he didn’t care. He was just filled with an odd happiness when the car left, and he watched Ms. Kringle hug the fur coat against her body in the rain.

Furious was an understatement to describe Oswald’s current mood. Ed had taken a seat at a sofa and was sipping on some camomile tea as he watched the older man walk back and forth in front of the fireplace. The only sounds he heard were the clattering of Cobblepot’s walking stick and he pleasant rattling of the fire. Finally, Oswald stopped prancing around and stopped right in front of the fire.

“What did you say his name was, Edward dear?”

“Tom Dougherty. He’s a police officer”, Ed said quietly and placed the teacup on the coffee table. He pulled the soft blanket tighter around himself and tugged his legs on the couch too.

“Not for long”, Oswald said under his breath.

“Don’t kill him, Mr. Penguin”, Ed’s voice was raspy and tired. He truly just wanted to sleep for twelve hours straight. Oswald turned to face Ed, looking incredulous.

“Well what am I supposed to do then? He _attacked_ you, Ed! He hurt a person important to me, so if he thinks he’ll just get away with it, he’s MISTAKEN!” Edward the dog whined and moved closer to its namesake on the sofa. The dog didn’t seem to like seeing its master so angry.

“Just get rid of him in some other way”, Edward said with pleading eyes. Oswald let out a deep sigh and limped over to the couch, taking a seat next to Edward. “Please, Oswald.” Ed realized it was the first time he had addressed Cobblepot by his first name. It seemed to have a softening reaction on the older man, because his shoulders relaxed instantly.

“If that’s what you want, that’s what I shall do”, the raven-haired man said and squeezed Edward’s knee.

“I don’t want him to hurt anyone else anymore. Not me, and especially not Ms. Kringle. He needs to get lost”, Ed gave his demands. Oswald nodded enthusiastically.

“He will suffer a punishment worse than death. I promise you that, Edward.”

“Good”, Ed said and rubbed his tired eyes. “I hate him.”

“I can’t believe you’ve let him bully you for this long without telling me”, Oswald said, a slight disappointment shining through his words. Edward looked at him and laughed dryly.

“No offense, but even if the whole city thinks you’re my “daddy”, that doesn’t make you my real dad. I’m okay.” Oswald’s face got slightly red and he patted Edward’s leg.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t take care of you like one”, he snapped back. “Now”, he clasped his hands together. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go plan how to make Mr. Dougherty’s life living hell.” Edward smiled widely for the first time that evening.

“Don’t hold back”, he told Oswald.

“Don’t even think about it”, Oswald had a smug smile on his face. “He will regret being born after I’m done with him.”

So apparently Edward was going to destroy officer Dougherty with the Penguin. Splendid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of my favorite things to do in fanfics is taking scenes from the actual show and altering them to fit whatever agenda i have in mind. let me know if you like this intertextual way of writing, or if you'd rather see completely original scenes. to me, dougherty and ed's fight in 01x20 was too good to pass up on...
> 
> dougherty can choke!!!!!!


	6. you take all my inhibitions

Edward had called in sick again after the beating from Dougherty. He had decided against letting commissioner Gordon know about what his employees got up to inside the police department’s walls, because he knew Oswald was already planning something worse than a suspension for the man. For the following couple of days he stayed mostly indoors, reading thrillers and watching bad soap operas from the TV. Oswald was barely present in the mansion, busy running errands and organizing his Halloween get-together.

October 31st presented itself much like every other day that week, dark and gloomy with a hint of rain in the air. Edward decided he was done sulking indoors and called himself a drive to work. It was a pleasant surprise that no one seemed to pay too much attention to him. He had purposefully gone for a casual black coat instead of the green one, because he truly didn’t need any more recognition. The precinct was looking very festive, cardboard cut-outs of pumpkins and bats everywhere. He walked past officers Pinkney and Mac trying to tape down some helium balloons in orange and black colors.

“Mr. Nygma?” He heard a familiar voice from behind his back and turned around in an instant.

“Ms. Kringle”, he perked up the moment he saw the woman’s face. Kristen swiped a strand of loose hairs behind her ear and cleared her throat.

“You haven’t seen officer Dougherty by any chance? No one knows where he is, he hasn’t been seen since Tuesday...” the woman asked, fumbling with the papers she was holding in her hands. Edward’s smile faded.

“No, I haven’t seen him, and I’d like to keep it that way. I’m sure you understand why.”

“Oh, right. Of course”, Kristen looked a little flustered by the lack of empathy in Ed’s voice. They stayed quiet for a moment before she opened her mouth again. “I’m so sorry about what he did to you.” Her voice was quiet, like she was scared Dougherty could have heard her.

“...Okie dokie”, Ed said, quite uncertain on how to react to such a sincere statement. Kristen had never acted so kindly towards him, except for maybe that evening in the locker room.

“Truth be told, I’ve been trying to find Tom just so I could try to talk some sense into him. What he did was not okay”, Ms. Kringle seemed so uneasy that Ed couldn’t help but pity her.

“Are you sure that’s a wise idea? What if he’ll hurt you too?” he was nearly whispering now and stepped closer to the woman. It was probably not a very good idea to be having this conversation in the middle of the lobby, but they both seemed devoted enough to keep it going.

“He can try”, Kristen raised her chin with a small smile. There was something cunning about her expression, something there usually wasn’t. “I do appreciate you worrying about me...”, her strong demeaner crumbled a little as she said it, but it made Edward’s expression shift from worry to happiness in an instant.

“Um. Actually. I... have a question for you”, he said quickly before Kristen could walk away from the situation.

“Yes?” she looked at him in the eyes and tilted her head. Edward suddenly felt like he had lost the ability to speak. “Mr. Nygma?” Kristen’s eyebrows furrowed a bit.

“Oh!” Ed exclaimed and made the woman flinch a bit. “Sorry. My question, um. You know what day it is today, right?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s Halloween?” Kristen’s smile was confused and adorable all at once.

“Yesss. So I was thinking...”, Ed felt his hand getting slightly sweaty. _Spit it out already!_ “Would you like to join me at the Iceberg Lounge tonight?”

“Oh”, it was Kristen’s turn to utter.

“Yeah. Mr. Pen-, um, Mr. Cobblepot is hosting a gathering and I think it would be a good way to get your mind out of work, and, Dougherty”, Edward finished his ramble with a hopeful smile. His heart skipped a beat when Kristen smiled back.

“That... sounds kind of nice”, she said, pressing the papers against her chest. “I think I’d like that, sure.”

“Perfect!” Ed said and raised his hands excitedly. “Do you need a drive to get there?”

“I’m okay. I have a car, and I don’t think I’ll drink a whole lot”, Ms. Kringle said and pursed her lips together. Was she trying to hide a bigger smile? Their moment was broken by commissioner Gordon, who called Kristen’s name from the upper platform where his office was located. Kristen hurried towards the stairs without further conversation.

“The party starts at nine. My treat!” Ed shouted after her and got her to turn her head around with the prettiest smile on her lips.

Edward did something that evening which he had never done before; he left work early. He simply couldn’t contain his excitement, so when the clock struck seven o’clock, he was out of the building before anyone could throw any work in his direction. He got a small glimpse of Ms. Kringle in the archives as he rushed past the open door, and it made his heart flutter. When he was running down the stairs, he nearly tripped over his own feet. There was only one thought in his head at that moment; he was going _on a date_ with Kristen.

He startled Oswald thoroughly by barging into his bedroom without knocking. The man had just been comparing his cufflink options but was quick to point a gun at the doorway. Oswald immediately lowered the gun when he recognized Edward.

“Please, _knock_ before doing that!” Oswald screeched. “My heart is old and weak.”

“I need help”, Ed said, completely ignoring everything that the older man had said to him. Oswald furrowed his brows and put the gun back into his back pocket.

“Are you okay?”

“Never better!” Edward assured. “I need you to choose my outfit for tonight. It’s important.”

“Well, that was kind of my plan anyway”, Oswald admitted and abandoned the cufflinks on his bed. “I want you to look dashing in our first party together. A lot of press will probably be present, after all.”

“Right. Of course.” Ed hadn’t even spared a thought for that. “I want to look as nice as possible.” Oswald chuckled.

“You always look nice. Come.”

They spent around half an hour deciding what Edward should wear. Finally, they came to the conclusion that a party like this would be the perfect opportunity for Ed to bust out his brand new suit. “I do love the fact that you’re starting to get into fashion, but what made you so eager to do so today?” Oswald asked as he was tying Edward’s tie.

“Well, actually”, Ed said, a wide smile spreading on his lips. “I’ve got a date tonight.” Oswald’s eyes opened so wide that the monocle fell off his face. Ed caught it mid-air and looked at the shocked expression that quickly vanished from Cobblepot’s face.

“Is that so?” he asked and took his monocle back.

“Yes. Ms. Kringle said she will join me tonight.”

“Ms. Kringle? That same woman who came to help you on Tuesday after Dougherty?” Oswald asked, aggressively tugging on Ed’s tie so hard that Ed almost choked on it.

“Yes. I mean technically she’s still dating Dougherty, but no one’s seen him since Tuesday”, Ed blabbered with a smile on his lips. “Speaking of which, you wouldn’t have any clue about his whereabouts, do you?”

“Perhaps”, Oswald said smugly and tugged Edward’s tie inside his waistcoat. “Spin around.” Edward did as instructed, and Oswald looked pleased. “Do you think it’s a smart move to start hitting on a girl whose boyfriend has just gone missing? Didn’t you say that cop beat the poor woman?”

“We’re just gonna hang out!” Ed said and rolled his eyes. “You're taking this Papa Penguin role to a whole other level.”

“Do I need to remind you that everyone, probably including this Kringle woman, thinks we sleep together?” Oswald squinted at him with a piercing glare. Edward stopped in his tracks for a moment and lowered his gaze.

“Well she said yes so...”, his voice trailed off and Oswald groaned, poking him with his walking stick.

“I’m just saying, it’s not a good idea.”

“I can’t call it off now, can I? The party starts in an hour”, Edward argued and based on Oswald’s facial expression, he had accepted the defeat for now.

“Let’s just go. You’ll behave like a good boy in front of the cameras.” Oswald spun on his heels and began to leave the dressing room. Edward grinned behind his back.

“Whatever you say, daddy”, he said quietly.

“Stop with that!” Oswald screamed, face red as a lobster. Edward laughed loudly.

“Keep pretending you don’t like it.”

 

This was the first night Edward got to witness the Iceberg Lounge in all its glory, packed with the cream of Gotham’s underworld. The smell of alcohol and fifty different types of perfumes got mixed up in the air as soon as the patrons were let into the party, and Ed was kind of starting to regret inviting Ms. Kringle. Kristen didn’t strike him as a party chick, and after barely thirty minutes of the doors opening, the first guests were already drunk to the brim. Kristen wasn’t present yet, and what was even worse that he had lost sight of Oswald, to one person he actually was familiar with in the house.

After aimlessly wondering around the club for a few minutes, he finally saw the familiar plump man standing further back, chatting with a red-haired woman. He approached them cautiously. The lady didn’t look like a reporter. She noticed him before Oswald did, and her face stretched into an obnoxiously bright smile.

“Oh my goodness, there he is! The sugar baby, in flesh and blood”, she exclaimed and raised her arms enthusiastically. Oswald turned around and his face lit up as soon as he saw the younger man. Ed raised his hand and waved a bit, but the move was interrupted by the ginger woman pulling him into a one-sided hug. He was too flustered to run away and just stood there, letting the woman cradle him as if they were the best of friends. She finally let go when Oswald grabber her shoulder gently.

“Don’t scare him off now, Babs”, he said with a smirk and got very near to Ed. Edward felt the shorter man’s arm wrap around his waist and he kind of wanted to scream and laugh at the same time. “Edward, this is Barbara Kean.”

“Hi”, Barbara said and smirked. “Sorry, babe. Are you not a hugger?”

“I was just... surprised”, Edward said and tried to shake off the expression on his face. Instead, he just smiled at her and shook her hand. “I’ve heard about you, Ms. Kean.”

“Oh, who wouldn’t have?” Barbara giggled devilishly. She kind of reminded Ed of a shark or a piranha.

“Commissioner Gordon has mentioned you in a couple of occasions, yes”, Edward’s smile widened when he saw Barbara’s reaction.

“Oh, right!” she had a realization. “You work for him, huh? Is Jimmy a good boss?”

“You gotta love him”, Ed said with a sarcastic tone and glanced at Oswald.

“I’m sad our good friend Jim couldn’t be here today”, Cobblepot said somberly. “But it would seem like he had his own party to attend to.”

“I’m kinda thinking of crashing there sooner or later”, Barbara admitted.

“Oh, you don’t want to miss tonight’s show!” Oswald said quickly. “We’ll have another Titanic at midnight.”

“God, Ozzie, you’re so classy”, Barbara laughed and pecked him on the cheek. “I’ll go get a drink and consider it with my gals.” With that, she waved and was gone as soon as she had arrived. Edward kept looking after her for a moment longer, even when he couldn’t see her anymore. Barbara Kean was a well-known figure in Gotham nowadays. Once James Gordon’s girlfriend, now the leader of the Sirens club downtown – Oswald’s biggest competitor. Surprisingly enough the two of them seemed to be in good terms.

“Kean is a treat”, Oswald sighed with a smile and turned to look at Ed.

“I thought she was blonde”, Ed said and smirked a little. “So we both have a thing for gingers now?”

“I can assure you I have no _thing_ for Barbara Kean. Frankly, I’m scared of her”, Oswald scoffed and let go of Edward’s waist. Ed found himself missing the warmth the older man had emitted upon him.

“What did you mean by “having another Titanic tonight”?” Ed asked after remembering the wording. Oswald placed a finger on his lips and winked.

“It’s a surprise. Just enjoy the party for now.”

“I would, but I can’t find Kristen...”, Edward muttered and lowered his stare to the floor. Oswald tilted his head a bit.

“Walk around with me”, he suggested and offered a hand. “We could make it to the front page again.”

And so they did. Edward wanted to get swallowed by a black hole when he noticed a familiar journalist roaming around the club; Valerie Vale, the woman that had harassed him at the precinct earlier on. Oswald, however, was keen on giving her an exclusive scoop with all kinds of juicy details. They sat down at a corner booth and Valerie pulled out her notepad in an instant. She asked so many questions that Edward lost count at one point. Where had they met? How had their first date been like? How much did Ed earn from all this monthly? Oswald was a brilliant liar and she didn’t question a single one of his answers.

“Our baby bird over here has been awfully silent the whole time”, Vale sunk her teeth into Edward who snapped out of his thoughts only when Oswald poked him in the rib.

“Oh. Sorry. Did you ask me something?”

“Well... I’m sure the public would love to hear about the details of this arrangement. How’s about you give me some cheeky trivia about _Papa Penguin_?” she smirked. Oswald closed his eyes for a moment but stayed quiet.

“Ah”, Edward uttered and glanced at Oswald. “Um. I’m... not really sure what that would be.”

“Come on! Surely you have some revelation to give to the people of Gotham? Something embarrassing!” Valerie insisted, pen hovering above the notepad.

“I won’t kill you if you answer”, Cobblepot chuckled. While Valerie’s eyes were fixated on Edward, the older man mouthed “ _lie_ ” to Ed.

“Mr. Penguin is...”, Edward’s mind landed on the first thing he could think of and ran with it, “into choking.” Valerie’s eyes widened and an inhumane shriek escaped her mouth. Edward assumed it was victorious laugh.

“I don’t think that is Gotham Daily appropriate!” Oswald said very loud and clear and glared at Edward. Ed couldn’t help the smirk on his face. “ _You told me to lie_ ”, he mouthed, but he wasn’t sure if Oswald saw.

“Oh trust me, I’m sure we’ll get something out of it. Tell me more”, Valerie said with a devious smile on her lips.

“How about you don’t tell, Edward dear?” Oswald’s piercing stare was enough for Edward to cower.

“That’s all you’ll get. Apologies”, he said to Vale, who huffed out of disappointment.

“At least tell me who does the choking...”

“Goodbye, Ms. Vale!” Oswald screeched and made the woman jump on her seat. She took the hint and left their company, still a grin on her red lips. Oswald turned his wrath towards Ed. “Really? Choking?”

“What?” Ed said defensively. “ _I’m_ into it?”

“Good to know”, Oswald snarled with a fake smile and turned his gaze away from Edward’s cheeky smirk. “I’ll be sure to send the condolences to Ms. Kringle”, he muttered under his breath.

“Oh don’t you dare”, Ed turned on the couch and tugged on his arm. It was Oswald’s time to grin triumphantly.

The following couple of hours when by rather uneventfully for Edward. He was constantly checking on his watch and his phone, but despite it being nearly midnight, Kristen was nowhere to be seen. It had flattened his mood and he had humbled himself to just walking behind Oswald like a duckling following it’s mother. It was obscure how many people Oswald knew personally, but Ed had kind of expected it anyway. Cobblepot was practically the King of Gotham’s underworld, after all.

Now, Oswald had just abandoned Edward at the front of the performance stage and told him to wait around. The raven-haired man himself had disappeared behind the curtain, but Ed was able to catch glimpses of him chatting with three other men. One of them was easily recognizable; Victor Fries, emitting freezing smoke from his collar. There was also the other Victor, a wide smile on his lips, and a more heavyset man Ed thought was called Butch. He tried to stay away from the guy as much as possible, because he looked like he could crush Ed like a can of coke.

The crowd around the stage began cheering as soon as the lights dimmed, and the singular spotlight froze in place at the center of the stage. The cheers grew only louder when Oswald arrived in the light, smiling brightly.

“It is my honor and my pleasure to welcome you all to the Iceberg Lounge!” he spoke into the microphone. Ed couldn’t defy that Cobblepot had some stage charisma. Something Ed himself acutely lacked. “Have you been enjoying yourselves?”

The people yelled loudly, clapping their hands excitedly. It seemed like the majority of them knew what the upcoming show was going to entail, and it made Ed feel a bit out of place. “Well it’s about to get a whole lot better!” Oswald said and laughed at the enthusiasm his patrons were giving him. “Are you ready for the Titanic?” More screaming. Ed jolted when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re awfully dull, honey.” It was Barbara Kean, emerging from the crowd to stand next to Ed. For a second Edward had thought it was Kringle because of the flash of ginger hair, but he was very disappointed. “Aren’t you ecstatic to see what your daddy has planned?”

“I’d say more terrified than ecstatic”, Edward admitted. Barbara laughed loudly.

“Hun, the Titanic is the highlight of the month. You’ll love it!”

Edward’s attention turned back to the stage, because the audience had let out a loud gasp. Ed’s eyes widened to their extreme when he saw the other three men entering the stage, carrying a fourth person with them. A person completely encased in ice, with a horrified expression on their face. Zsasz and Butch thumped the block of ice on the stage and Mr. Freeze was left standing beside it alone, leaning against his “masterpiece”.

“Zachariah Munoz”, Oswald spoke up as the initial excitement had died down. “Caught constantly stealing money from multiple respected organizations across Gotham. My restaurant chain being the last one”, he smirked.

“Starting price is fifty”, Victor Fries announced. He didn’t need a microphone to make his voice stand out in the commotion. “Go wild.”

“What?” Edward spurted out of his mouth, not specifically aiming the question at anyone.

“Bad boys get put in ice and Ozzie auctions them off”, Barbara said, draping her arm around Edward’s shoulder like an overprotective mother. “And then the winner can do whatever they want with them. Usually they get fucked up on the stage right in front of everyone.” She giggled maliciously. Edward wasn’t sure he liked the sound of this little game.

In a few minutes the price of the auction had raised up to almost 400 dollars. It seemed like quite a few people had a grudge on this Munoz guy, but none of them were willing to spend all their life savings just to kill the man. Finally Oswald concluded the auction and sold the frozen man to a very enthusiastic businessman from the crowd.

“Congratulations, sir!” Oswald yelled and raised his arm. “Do tell us, what will you do with your new property?”

“Smash him to fucking pieces”, said the man that had climbed onto the stage. The audience shrieked in excitement at the announcement.

“Bring out the weapons!” Oswald shouted behind the curtain. Butch came through with a full table’s worth of supplies for the man to use. A hatchet, a baseball bat, a saw and even a flamethrower. The man immediately went for the chainsaw, making the crowd even more enthusiastic.

Edward was almost sure he was having a bad dream when he watched the frozen man get sliced into neat pieces with the chainsaw. Ed had gotten used to even grossly mutilated corpses at work, but something about the way that it was happening right in front of his eyes and how everyone around him seemed to be oblivious to the fact that a man was getting murdered in front of them.

“I’m sorry”, Ed muttered in the general direction of Barbara, clasping a hand over his mouth. “I’ve got to go.” The red-haired woman glanced at him with furrowed brows, but Ed was already making his way through the front row, trying his best not to puke. He pushed through the last guy in the line and disappeared behind a curtain. It led him to a smaller, empty space. He let out a shuddering breath and sat down on a bar stool.

“Ed?”

He raised his head when he heard footsteps entering the room. Oswald was standing at the doorway with a puzzled expression, unsure whether or not he should approach the younger man. “You left so suddenly. What’s wrong?”

“Sorry. Just-“, Ed forced a smile on his face, “had to sit down for a bit.”

“Too much to drink?” Oswald asked, slowly walking over to the spot Ed was sitting at.

“More like I wasn’t expecting to see a man slaughtered in front of me?” Edward laughed shakily and refused to look at Oswald in the eyes. “Ruined the mood. Sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize.” Oswald took a seat next to him and tried to catch his eyes with his own. “I should not have brought you here without explaining what I was up to. It was foolish to think you’d be ready to see something like that.”

“It’s not just that...”, Ed muttered and buried his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes underneath the glasses.

“What is it, then? Please talk to me, Edward”, Oswald said.

“I liked it.”

“What?”

“I- I liked watching it”, Edward confessed, and felt a chill going through his entire body. “I liked seeing it. Bu that- that’s wrong!” he raised his voice and head at the same time, looking into Oswald’s eyes, pleading.

“Edward”, Oswald said firmly. “Why do you think the people were shouting over there? Why do you think they stay put and enjoy the show?”

“Because they like it.”

“ _Exactly_. You’re not alone, Ed. People like it”, Oswald gave him a crooked smile and pat his knee. His smile faded shortly. “I actually had a bit of a surprise for you, but now I’m not so sure you’ll take it well.”

“Go for it. I won’t freak out”, Edward straightened his back and looked at Oswald properly. They shared a long look before Oswald stood up and raised his hand. Ed took it and felt a squeeze.

“You know the last person we have up today”, Oswald said. “He’s not for sale. I’m saving him for you.”

“Excuse me?” Ed raised his eyebrows. “You’re expecting me to kill someone?”

“I think you’ll be intrigued to do so once you see him”, Oswald said and began dragging Ed back into the heart of the party. During their little talk, Mr. Freeze had taken over as the spokesperson and had just auctioned off the third victim for an incredibly smug-looking woman, who announced she was going to put the frozen man on display in her living room. It emitted a loud laughter and clapping from the people watching. Ed realized far too soon that he wasn’t in the crowd but instead being dragged onto the stage by Oswald. The older man let go of his hand when they were up the stairs and reached for the microphone.

“Now”, he began, eyeing the crowd. “Our last guest is unfortunately not up for sale.” The announcement gained disappointed muttering and confused looks. “Instead, I wanted to crown this moment by giving the pleasure of handling the last price to my dear friend, Edward Nygma.” Although the spotlight was mildly blinding, Ed was sure everyone was staring at him when Oswald raised his arm and gestured him to come closer.

“Yeeees, baby!” Barbara screamed from the front row, clapping louder than anyone else.

“Edward here has brought be such glee recently. I think it’s only fair that I repay the favor!” Oswald yelled and grabbed Ed by the shoulder with a wide smile. “Would you be so kind, gentlemen?” he glanced at Zsasz and Butch who disappeared behind the curtain, only to return and dragging a big block of ice between them. Edward squinted and was hit with a wave of realization.

The man encased in ice was none other than officer Tom Dougherty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter turned out suuuper long so i'm splitting it in two parts; alas, no "so apparently..." ending because of that. sorry!  
> ALSO YES BARBARA KEAN.... IN RED! i love her!!!!!


	7. i wanna let him take control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was definitely quite a bit shorter than the last one but i wanted to wrap up this package of scenes before moving on. like i said, this was originally a part of chapter six but i split it apart :)

It almost felt like everything else turned into a massive blur around Edward. All he could do was stare at the block of ice before him, inside which Dougherty stared at him with empty, dead eyes. He wasn’t sure if the man was actually dead already. He had read about the adventures of Mr. Freeze, how he had managed to melt bodies from ice after creating a serum. It had been incredibly fascinating in Ed’s eyes when he was in college.

He felt a gentle push on his back and took a couple of steps closer to the frozen officer. He was in a rather intriguing pose; having just pulled out the gun from the holster and pointing it forward. It seemed like he had been willing to put on a fight, but Fries had been faster. The voices of the audience were still just a rumble at the back of Edward’s head. He was entranced by the sight. In some way, he felt pity, looking up at his competitor. Dougherty was an ass, but did he truly deserve this? What would Kristen say if she saw him like this? But Kristen wasn’t here, was she? She would never know...

“What do you think, Ed?” Edward jolted when he heard Oswald’s voice come through his state of disbelief. Ed looked at the shorter man, unsure of the answer. “I told you he would suffer a fate worse than death, didn’t I?”

“Yes...”, Ed muttered, glancing up at Dougherty again. He knew he didn’t have a lot of time to make a decision; the crowd was already starting to get impatient due to the lack of understanding of the situation. He was at odds with himself, and the peer pressure from the people around him were clouding his judgement slightly.

“ _What are you waiting for?_ ” asked a voice in his head. Or rather, outside of it. This was not new to him, but it didn’t mean he didn’t internally freak out when he saw his hallucinative counterpart appearing from behind the block of ice. This was not a good time to be audibly conversing with a figment of your imagination, so Ed just closed his eyes to think.

“ _We’ve wanted to do this for months! He’s a disgusting pig!”_ his other half shouted and shifted his position from next to the ice to right behind Ed. “I know!” Ed wanted to shout but gritted his teeth together to not make a sound.

“ _He deserves it. He hurt Kristen. He hurt us. Hurt YOU!”_

His head was spinning. He wanted to puke but at the same time he felt more alive than ever.

“ _Do it. You want to do it.”_

“I know!” he let out and opened his eyes. The hallucination was nowhere to be seen, but Oswald stared at him like he had just slapped him across the face. Edward no longer cared, however. He had a task to fulfil. With no further conversation he turned around and left Oswald standing at the front of the stage alone. He stepped up to the table of goodies and examined his selection. Subconsciously his hand went to grab the metallic baseball bat. It looked like it had dried blood on it. Captivating.

“Go for it, honey!” he heard Barbara shout from the front row. He appreciated the woman’s enthusiasm but didn’t spare a second thought to her as he strode in front of the block of ice. He looked at Dougherty’s face. God, he was disgusting. The grossest, slimiest bastard Edward had ever laid his eyes upon. He wanted to hurt him. He wanted to never see his face again. He hated him. So, so much.

“This is for Ms. Kringle”, he whispered.

“Ed-“

He didn’t give Oswald time to say what he had wanted to, because his ears shut everything off at that moment. The music had gotten louder around the club but at the same time it sounded like a shadow of its previous form. He only realized he had raised the bat until it already came crashing down into the ice with a massive clashing sound. It didn’t make as big of an impact as he had initially hoped for, but it definitely made a dent. He hit again. And again. The ice cracked more and more with each strike. He lost track of time and space, because all he could think of was smashing Dougherty’s skull into tiny, little pieces.

“ _There we fucking go!_ ” The hallucination was back, but it was just a blur of unintelligible shadows. “ _You love this!”_ Yes, yes, he did. He absolutely fucking loved it! The throbbing pain in his head was starting to get worse by each blow, but he kept going. Dougherty hadn’t suffered enough until he had been turned into shaved ice.

He only came back on the moment when he realized that the bat was hitting air. He blinked rapidly, suddenly feeling incredibly exhausted. He couldn’t hear anything except for the humming in his ears. The bat fell on the stage floor as his arms slackened, and soon Edward himself was on his knees too. He stared at the sight in front of him. Dozens upon dozens of ice pieces, some clear and empty, others glazed with chunks of human flesh and bones or pieces of fabric from the police uniform. What a gorgeous sight.

“Good lord, Edward.” The voices started slowly returning. The roaring from the crowd came back like he had just broken through the surface of water – they startled him in all their glory. He recognized Oswald’s presence looming above him. Slowly, he managed to tear his eyes away from the jigsaw puzzle of death that was officer Dougherty, and he rotated his neck to lay his eyes upon Oswald.

“A-are you okay?” the older man asked. Edward didn’t understand what he meant.

“Never better”, he responded with a wide grin on his face. Everything looked so funny all of sudden. Oswald’s shock-filled expression was the most hilarious thing he had seen in a while. The reaction of his patrons? Priceless. Ed couldn’t help but burst into uncontrollable laughter, so loud and clear that even the people at the back of the room could make it out. He didn’t know why it was so funny, but he couldn’t stop cachinnating. Soon he realized he wasn’t just laughing. His cheeks were wet with tears.

“Ed...”, Oswald tried to get his attention, but to no avail. He was in his own little bubble of emotions, or more-so of an emotional breakdown. Oswald disappeared from his eyesight and soon he was pulled up by a strong pair of arms. He didn’t resist when the man – he guessed it was Butch? – threw him on his shoulder and carried him away into backstage.

 

When Edward finally opened his eyes, he couldn’t see a thing. Not only was it dark, but he realized his glasses weren’t on his face. He shifted around experimentally and was stumped by the headache he was feeling. Where the hell was he? Had he gotten hammered the night before? He blindly groped his surroundings and came to the conclusion that he was in a bed. The smell of the bedsheets was the laundry detergent which Olga, Oswald’s housekeeper, used. Way too floral for Ed’s liking. His hand finally found what he was looking for; his glasses were placed on the bedside table. He almost knocked his alarm clock off the nightstand in his rush to see.

He was correctly guessed that he was in his own room, but he was still very uncertain on how he had gotten there. Not with the help of his own feet, that was for sure. He also had no clue what time it was, so the next thing he tried to find was the light switch for his night light. Once it luminated his milieu, he took the alarm clock in his hand; looked to be about eight if rounded up. Made sense that it was dark outside, then, he thought and placed the clock back on the table, sinking into the mattress.

The events of last night were slowly starting to take form in his hazy brain. Officer Tom Dougherty was dead. He had killed him. In front of dozens of people, in a public place, with no remorse. “Oh dear”, his voice was barely audible when he buried his face into one of his pillows. It didn’t take long before he felt his eyes burning. And then his lungs, because he had forgotten the fact that he needed oxygen. He threw the pillow across the room and inhaled shakily, bottom lip quivering.

“What the hell have I done? Oh God, what have I done...?” he mumbled while curling into a tiny ball at the center of the bed. He pulled the blanket over him and cradled himself in all his self-pity.

“ _Cheer up, bucko_ ”, he heard a voice and opened his teary eyes only to close them again after seeing the familiar figment of his imagination.

“Go away”, Ed muttered and buried himself deeper in the soft blanket.

“ _Oh, come on. We had fun yesterday, right? No need to thank me, pal_ ”, his other half stood on the side of the bed, watching his real life counterpart go through all the stages of grief in about five seconds.

“It will not happen again”, Edward said, trying to sound firm, but he couldn’t fool even himself. He was about to continue, go on a proper tangent to distract himself, but a sudden buzzing sound interrupted him. He looked over at the bedside table. His phone was vibrating with no sound. He forced himself to leave the cocoon he had been planning to stay in the whole day and reached for the phone. He almost dropped it when he saw the name flashing on the tiny screen; _MS. KRINGLE_.

“ _You should probably answer. She’s been ringing all morning_ ”, the hallucination said wearily and grinned. Edward stared at the screen unblinkingly. He could see at the bottom of the screen that he had three missed calls and two text messages, supposedly all from Kristen. Oh dear. Did she know? Had she seen it? Was Ed going to die?

Against all odds, he flipped his phone open and answered the call. “Hello?” he said as if he hadn’t just sobbed like a baby two minutes prior. His morning voice was raspy and rough, even more-so now that he had cried and drunk last night.

“Oh, finally!” he heard a sense of relief in Ms. Kringle’s voice. “I’ve been trying to get contact all night.”

“I-is that so? How come?” Edward asked, mentally punching himself for the voice crack.

“I wanted to talk to you about last night”, Kristen said.

“Oh... Of course. Naturally.” His heart was beating so loud he could hear it in his ears. He wondered if Kristen could hear it too. Suddenly his life had turned into one of those awful soap operas they showed on MTV in the middle of the day for grandmas to watch. He mentally prepared himself to be chewed out and definitely didn’t expect what the woman had to say next.

“I’m so terribly sorry, Edward”, Kristen sighed. “My father suffered a stroke yesterday and I got the call when I was outside of the Lounge. I rushed into the hospital without second thought.”

“Oh dear”, was all Ed could get out of his mouth.

“I was so worried for him, and I- I guess I just forgot all about our meeting up until about midnight”, Ms. Kringle sounded awfully apologetic and it made Ed’s heart do jumping jacks. “When I tried calling you, I couldn’t get a hold of you. I was worried that something had happened to you. But it seems like you’re okay?”

“You were worried about me?” Ed couldn’t help but ask. His cheeks were a shade of red, and certainly not because of the tears.

“Admittedly”, Kristen let out another sigh. It sounded like she was in disbelief about it too. “You’ve been nothing but kind to me. I really am sorry.”

“Don’t be!” Ed shouted a bit louder than necessary, jolting into an upwards position on the bed. He was holding the phone so aggressively it could have probably snapped in his grab. “I had a very... busy night. I barely noticed that you were missing.” What a blatant lie. “Trust me, everything is A-OK. You did the right thing by putting your father first!”

“I’m glad you think that”, Kristen said. Ed heard a smile on her. “I still want to repay you somehow. Let me know if you have something planned this week.”

“I will”, Ed said quickly. “Please, have some rest, Ms. Kringle. You sound tired. I’m sorry for making you worry.”

“...Okay”, Kristen said softly. “I’m free every evening this week. Give me a call or something.” With that and quick goodbyes, she was gone as soon as she had arrived. Edward slumped on the bed again and let the phone fall to the floor. The relief that had just washed over him was overwhelming to say the least. Kristen didn’t know. She had no earthly idea of what had happened last night. Everything was okay... Okay...

So apparently Edward had been turned into a killer by the Penguin. ...Splendid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everything is fine! right......................?


	8. i know we would be alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was going to be much more eventful but i wanted to slow down a little bit after yesterday's chapter, so have just some bro time instead :") fluff!!!!
> 
> ps. drinking game: take a shot every time i mention toast in this chapter

After sulking under the covers for ten more minutes, Edward finally forced himself to get up. He refused to let go of his blanket, so he just cocooned himself in a vertical position and left his bedroom as a human burrito. He still had the button-up shirt from last night on, but someone had taken off the rest of his clothes off. He subconsciously wished it had been Oswald, because the thought of Butch stripping him while he was passed out was one he wasn’t too fond of. When he made his way downstairs, he realized it was so early that Oswald was probably still in bed. Surely Olga would be awake already, though? That’s what she got paid to do, after all.

When he swung open the dining room door, he came to the crashing realization that he was not alone. His eyes widened when he saw the man sitting at the table with a newspaper and a plate of porridge; Alvarez. Alvarez raised his head when he heard the door open, and his hand froze mid-air, spoonful of porridge dangerously close to falling back onto the plate. It was probably one of the most obscure moments of Ed’s life; him just standing there with nothing but a loosely buttoned shirt and boxers, hugging a blanket around himself like a five-year-old, and Alvarez sitting in _his_ home in a tank top and pyjama pants.

“...Morning”, Ed finally opened his mouth. He was usually the one who made things awkward in social interactions, but right now he blamed both of them equally.

“Nygma”, Alvarez acknowledged him after a moment of silence and returned to his porridge without further conversation. Luckily, a third man arrived in the room to save them.

“Oh, hiya”, Zsasz had entered the room through a second door, the one leading into the kitchen, holding a huge plate filled with toast. He was wearing an – arguably very comfy-looking – unicorn onesie and pretty much nothing else alongside that. “Hungry?” he offered the plate while taking a bite of the toast he was currently holding.

“Somewhat”, Ed said slowly, still trying to fully comprehend the scene before him. He walked up to the bald man and took a piece of toast. Victor sat down next to Alvarez and leaned on the man’s bare shoulder with a look of pure bliss, the toast hanging from his mouth.

“You’re drooling on me”, Alvarez muttered without lifting his gaze from the newspaper. Ed wasn’t sure if he was welcome to join them, but then he thought about it. He was the only one out of the three that actually lived in the mansion, so why the hell would he not allowed to sit at his own dinner table? He shed the blanket on the ground and took a seat opposite of Zsasz.

“Does Oswald know you’re here?” Ed couldn’t help but ask, despite not being completely sure which man he had asked the question of.

“Yes and no”, Zsasz’s answer was incoherent, but it didn’t surprise Edward. He decided it was good enough and just munched on his toast. Zsasz seemed to like his bread almost burnt to a crisp, but he had managed to grab the not-so-burnt one out of the pile. It tasted good. “I crash here often. Boss doesn’t really care”, Victor continued, already taking the third toast of this morning.

“I feel like he would care if he knew there was a cop in his dining room”, Ed glanced at Alvarez who was sipping on a glass of orange juice, pretending like Edward didn’t even exist.

“I mean he clearly’s got a thing for GCPD employees soooo...”, Zsasz smirked when he noticed the tiny blush on Edward’s face. “You went kinda feral last night, though. Alvarez is a good boy in comparison.”

Ed almost choked on his toast. He got into a coughing fit and Zsasz was quick to reach for the orange juice carton and offer it to him. Ed drank eagerly. Once he was sure he wasn’t going to die on the spot, he gave a very nasty glare at Zsasz. The events of last night were not something you could discuss with your detective-boyfriend at the breakfast table.

“Speaking of GCPD employees, it seems like Tom Dougherty has finally been declared as officially missing”, Alvarez chimed in and raised the newspaper closer to his face. The man’s sentence certainly didn’t make the situation any better for Edward. Victor had noticed his discomfort and decided to distract the detective with a kiss. Alvarez immediately pushed the bald man back.

“I’ve got to go”, he muttered and refused to look at Edward as he got up from the chair.

“Yes, I really think you do.”

They all turned to look at the doorway. Turns out their host had finally woken up, not-so-gracefully standing at the doorstep in a dressing gown and the usually so sleek hair all over the place. Alvarez looked like he was contemplating whether to even walk past Cobblepot or just jump straight out of the window. Zsasz’s head bopped back and forth like he was watching a table tennis match, eagerly waiting to see which of the men would break their facade first.

“Bye”, Alvarez uttered in the general direction of Victor and rushed out the door, disappearing into the stairs probably having realized he still had to retrieve his clothes. Oswald stared after him for a second before turning to face the other two men.

“You invited a cop here”, he said, tilting his head at Zsasz. Edward knew where this was going. It wasn’t a good idea to start one’s morning with a tantrum, but he already sensed it in the air. The same thought seemed to have crossed Victor’s mind, because he put the most innocent facial expression on and raised a toast.

“You look like you could use some nut”, he said. When Oswald furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, Zsasz reached for his pocket and pulled out a jar of Nutella. “Nut as in peanut butter. But also nutrition!” he smirked, looking incredibly proud of himself for that one. Oswald eyed the jar suspiciously, but clearly the man’s sweet tooth won over the irritation because he rolled his eyes and walked up to the table.

“You’re a pain in the ass. You know that, don’t you, Victor?”

“Of course”, Zsasz grinned and started spreading the peanut butter on the toast as a peace offering.

“Is it smooth?” Oswald asked and picked up the newspaper Alvarez had left behind. Edward was confused by the question until he realized he was talking about the peanut butter.

“Just like you like it, Boss”, Zsasz confirmed and slid the bread across the table. Victor got busy licking the butter knife clean and Edward focused on Oswald, because the show before him was starting to get quite intimate.

“Ms. Kringle doesn’t know anything about last night. She wasn’t there”, Edward informed.

“Good”, Oswald said without raising his eyes from the broadsheet. “Victor, how much money did we make last night?”

“A couple grand I think”, Zsasz placed the knife on the table and licked his lips. “Mmm, you were so right about smooth being superior.”

“Naturally.”

“I can’t help but feel like I’m being ignored”, Edward interrupted the chit-chat. Oswald finally looked up at him, expression almost indicating like he only now realized Ed was in fact in the room.

“Crap, I’m sorry. You prefer it chunky?” Victor asked. “I shoulda guessed it.” He eyed Oswald’s stomach.

“VICTOR.” Zsasz immediately took the hint and grabbed the four remaining pieces of toasts as well as the entirety of the Nutella jar before getting up and rushing out the door. Oswald rubbed the bridge of his nose and let out a deep breath. Ed leaned on the table and looked at the older man. Without the monocle he got a better look at Oswald’s blue eye. It was entrancing.

“I’m sorry. Talk to me”, Oswald finally looked at him.

“I don’t know what happened last night. I mean, I do. But I don’t know why. Why I did it...” Edward had a hard time finding the right words despite his excessive vocabulary. “But I think I liked it.”

“Let me tell you something, Edward”, Oswald said and leaned back on the chair. He took a bite out of the toast Zsasz had prepared for him before he kept going. “I have killed countless of people. A lot of those people probably did not deserve to die. Many of them were merely doing their jobs. Cops, security guards, my staff... What you did is nothing compared to that.” He grabbed Ed by the arm. “So don’t you dare start feeling sorry for yourself for this. You did the right thing. Tom Dougherty deserved to die and we both know it. It was natural selection, pretty much.”

“But what if Kristen finds out?” Ed’s voice was so small he could barely believe it was his own.

“How would she? You just said she wasn’t there.”

“Crimes get solved”, Edward mumbled.

“The Dougherty pieces are long gone. Butch burned them right after the event. Unless you out yourself to her, I wouldn’t worry. And we both know you’re not that stupid, Ed”, Oswald concluded with a pat on Ed’s shoulder and got back to eating his toast. At the same time Olga finally emerged from the kitchen with a pot of coffee.

“Was about damn time!” Oswald yelled as the woman put down a mug and poured it full. Oswald buried himself in the newspaper and didn’t pay any more attention to what his housekeeper was doing. Ed followed the woman’s movements silently. Hot coffee, straight from the pot – check. First teaspoon of sugar. The second. But then the woman pushed the mug closer to her employer and begun to leave. Oswald reached for the mug, but Ed put his hand on top of the other’s.

“Black. Three teaspoons of sugar, yes?” he asked when the man looked at him, confused.

“...Yes?”

“She only put two.” Edward let go of Oswald’s hand and reached for the sugar pot. He gently threw in a third spoonful and stirred the liquid before offering it to Oswald. The raven-haired man looked at him in awe.

“How the hell did you remember that?” he chuckled and took the cup from Ed. He shrugged with a small smirk.

“Of course I remember our first meeting, Mr. Penguin”, Ed said. Oswald’s face seemed to have blushed a little upon the comment, but Edward decided it was just because of the hot coffee.

The rest of the breakfast went through without anything major happening. Ed was happy to have such a calm moment after last night’s storm. Somehow, he just found it so easy to be in Oswald’s presence. The silence was comfortable instead of awkward, and it was just nice looking at the other man. He supposed that was what having friends felt like. He wouldn’t have known. While he had gotten a couple of acquaintances in college, the relationships hadn’t lasted, and it had always been a bit awkward. Prior to college pretty much everyone in his life had despised him, including his own family.

“You’re oddly quiet”, Oswald snapped him back into reality. “Don’t tell me you’re still thinking about Dougherty.”

“I’m not”, Ed assured and smiled a little. “You were right. He did deserve it.”

“And you deserved to be the one to do the job”, Oswald smiled too. Edward knew he probably should not have taken “you deserve to kill a man” as a compliment, but he couldn’t help himself. Oswald thought of him as worthy, as an equal, and it was such a foreign concept to Ed that he still couldn’t quite understand it. “Now, I have a lot of things to do today. Are you going to work?”

“Definitely not”, Ed said. While he may not have drunk enough to get a proper hangover, he didn’t trust himself to get any work done with a murder on his back.

“Be careful. Jim’s gonna fire you soon”, Oswald laughed.

“That wouldn’t be good”, Edward admitted, fumbling with his glasses. He had thought about it. What if, indeed, commissioner Gordon got suspicious and decided it would be better to let him go? His whole relationship with Oswald was built on the fact that Ed was working for the GCPD. Would Oswald drop him the second he went out of service? Oswald had seemingly noticed that his smile had faded, because he got serious too.

“I hope you know, Edward, that even if it happened, I would not get rid of you”, he said like he had read Ed’s mind.

“Why?” Ed asked bluntly. “I’m your spy. I have nothing else to offer.”

Oswald looked at him for a moment in complete silence. Ed frowned. Even Oswald couldn’t come up with an argument to support his claim. “I enjoy spending time with you”, Oswald finally said. Such a simple sentence, but Edward felt like he didn’t understand it.

“Why?” he asked again, feeling like a toddler in his question-everything-phase.

“What do you mean ‘why?’” Oswald furrowed his eyebrows. “You’re kind, smart and loyal. Why would I not enjoy my time with you?” Edward just stared at him, eyes wide. It was like Oswald was speaking in tongues.

“Ed, did you think I’m only taking care of you because of your occupation?” Oswald asked. There was a sense to dread in his voice and Ed didn’t understand why.

“Of course. That’s the deal we made. I provide information and you pay me in goods and services.”

 They looked at each other for a while. The silence was mildly terrifying, and Ed wished he could have grabbed the blanket from the floor and bury himself in it for comfort. Oswald was faster, though. He reached for Edward and pulled the younger man into a hug. Their position was rather awkward, they were sitting next to one another, after all, but Ed didn’t care about such a minor inconvenience. After the initial shock, he leaned into the touch and buried his face into Oswald’s neck. He squeezed his eyes shut and just let himself be held like a child.

“You and I are friends, Edward”, Oswald said softly and ran his hand through Edward’s messy hair. “That’s why you’re here.” Friends, Ed thought. The word was probably inconsequential to Oswald – he called everyone a friend, after all – but it was huge for Edward.

“Yes. Of course”, Ed whispered into Oswald’s shoulder.

So apparently Edward had made the first friend he’d ever had, in Penguin. Splendid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you couldn't already tell, i adore victor zsasz and i also adore anthony carrigan so i wanted to add the unicorn onesie >:)


	9. i wanna follow where she goes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [WE REACHED 1000 HITS AND ARE AT ALMOST 100 KUDOS! thank you so so much for all the love and support you've shown for this fic! i didn't think it would get this popular :") tysm!]
> 
> this will be another split-chapter! a lot of shit will be going down soon so prepare yourselves

It was undeniably difficult to get back into normal life after Halloween’s events, but with the support and confidence he had gained from the talk with Oswald, Edward managed to make it happen. The knowledge that Oswald wasn’t just going to abandon him if he messed up was something that really kept him going. And, well, it wasn’t the only thing. He had kept his promise to Ms. Kringle and renewed their meeting plan, this time deciding against inviting her to a wild nightclub party. Instead, they had just gone to a restaurant and had actually had a pleasant time despite the little awkwardness in the beginning. The fact that he was officially _seeing_ Kristen made him stay afloat for the entirety of November.

December presented itself unusually pretty for Gotham’s standards. The first snowfall of the year had decided to bring itself upon the city and the whole yard surrounding the mansion was white. It seemed to have a positive impact on Oswald’s mood, because he arrived at the brunch table with a pleased smile on his lips, nearly a spring in his step. Edward the dog rushed to Ed who was sitting at the table and snacking on a cheesecake from the previous day.

“I have an important meeting tonight”, Oswald informed and stole a piece of the cake straight from Edward’s plate. Ed pouted at him, but grinned right after and just took another slice for himself.

“Is that why you look like you’ve just won a lottery?” he asked, mouth full of cake.

“Partly”, Oswald said. The statement was rather cryptic, but Edward wasn’t too bothered. “If everything goes as planned, I’ll be ten grand richer tomorrow.”

“Great. You can buy me about seven more winter jackets”, Ed smirked at the older man. Oswald laughed and sat on the opposite side of the table.

“Whatever you want, Ed”, he smiled. “After last week’s report you deserve to be pampered.” Edward had successfully managed to prevent the GCPD from discovering a massive, illegal gun-selling ring Oswald was organizing.

“I want the new PlayStation, too”, Ed made sure to mention. Straight out of the market, he had been drooling over it since the release.

“You’ll have the house to yourself tonight”, Oswald changed the topic. It was clear he had no interest or understanding of game consoles.

“You wouldn’t mind me inviting someone over, then?” Ed asked and leaned on his hand with a smile.

“Be my guest”, Oswald shrugged. “Or, well, your guest.”

Edward laughed and immediately pulled the phone out of his waistcoat pocket. Although it was Sunday and he therefore had nowhere to be, Oswald’s clothing antics had kind of rubbed off on him during the time they had spent living together. Oswald had gracefully purchased him a new phone a couple of weeks ago, and he had been glued to the pretty touch screen like a damn teenager. He went to his messaging app and quickly found Kristen’s contact.

 _‘Oswald will be out tonight, so the mansion is empty. Would you care to join me for dinner, maybe a movie? **EN**_ ’ Kristen came online almost immediately after Ed had sent the message. It made his stomach flutter.

_‘No restaurant, then? -K’_

_‘I’m sorry. Is it too intimate? I like to cook.’_

_‘Oh, it’s fine. If you want, I’d be happy to join. :)’_ Ed kind of wanted to cry at the smiley face. He wasn’t huge on emojis, he always cringed when people overused them, but it just felt so genuine coming from someone like Kristen who was usually so mature and put together.

_‘Perfect! I promise the food will be yummy.’_

_‘I can’t wait!”_

Ed contemplated for a second, thumbs hovering above the screen, before he bit the bullet and sent a quick _‘ <3’_ and immediately put his phone away after it had sent. Christ, he was pathetic.

Oswald had left at around six in the evening and Ed had immediately taken over the kitchen. He had told Olga to go have the rest of the day off and the woman had looked like she was almost smiling when she left the house; something that was a rarity in of itself. While it was amazing to wake up every day to find a breakfast table ready for you, he had missed cooking. It was one of those skills he possessed that made everyone surprised, but it had been a mandatory one to learn when he moved out at the mere age of 17. Not that his parents ever bothered to make food for him ever since he turned twelve years old.

Kristen knocked on the front door at just past eight. Edward ran down the stairs so fast he almost stepped on Edward the dog who was lounging at the bottom of the staircase. He made a stupid double-step jump to not land on the dog and hurried to the door, opening it with a wide smile. “Hello!” he said enthusiastically as soon as the door swung open. Kristen was looking classy like always, with a nice green dress and her hair down. Edward noticed that they had dressed up in one another’s favorite colors since he had a yellow shirt on.

“Hi”, Kristen said and stepped inside the mansion. Ed closed the door behind her and took off her poofy, black coat. She had such nice shoulders, he noted. “Wow. It looks amazing here”, she commented as she glanced around the entrance hall. “Very clean.”

“I know right”, Ed grinned as he hung the coat on the wall. “It’s nice to have a housekeeper”, he snickered and took Kristen’s hand. She smiled back and they begun making their way upstairs. Kristen stopped when she noticed the pup blocking their way.

“Oh”, Ed said and looked at his namesake. He let go of Kristen’s hand and scooped the dog up as it clearly was not making an effort to move. “You’re not allergic to dogs, are you? I forgot to mention this fellow.”

“Oh my, does he have a bow tie?” Kristen stepped closer and pet the dog gently. Edward – the human – couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit of jealousy as he watched Kristen coo at the dog. Surely it was normal, right?

“Oswald likes to buy him accessories”, Ed said with a shrug.

“Aww”, Kristen smiled. “What’s his name?”

“Um”, Edward got a little red in the face, “fun fact; it’s actually Edward.”

“Are you joking?” Kristen giggled and looked up at Ed’s face. “You’re blushing...”

“Did you come here to date the pup or date me?” Edward couldn’t hide the envy any longer and put the dog back on the ground. Kristen looked at him with an amused expression.

“You’re jealous of a puppy?” she asked in a teasing tone. “Oh, Ed.”

“Am _not_ ”, Edward said and took her hand again. “Come on, dinner’s getting cold.”

Kristen was most definitely not disappointed by his cooking; quite the opposite, actually. She was all smile and was eager to get a second plate after she had finished the first one, which was very unlike her behaviour in the restaurant a few weeks back. She had barely touched the food and had seem kind of out of it. The mood in general was different – she was laughing more, curiously listening whenever Ed started blabbering about inconsequential nonsense, and giving his soft glances whenever she thought he couldn’t see. He had no clue what had caused such a shift in her, but he was not complaining.

“Open up”, she commanded with a fork in the air, holding a meatball at the tip of it. Edward looked at her for a second, starstruck, but quickly complied and let himself be fed. He wasn’t one to toot his own horn, but god it tasted good. They both kept giggling as they fed each other more food.

“I’m so happy you came”, Ed said after their laughter had died down.

“I’m happy too”, Kristen admitted and leaned her face to her palm. “I mean, all of this”, she gestured around the dinner table with her free hand; the food, the candles burning around them in the otherwise dim room, the bottle of wine in-between them, “it’s amazing, Edward. Really. I had no idea you were such a romantic.”

“Me neither”, Ed pushed back his glasses and laughed. “I can understand the confusion. I mean, god, I’ve done some really creep-like stuff to you!”

“No, _I’m_ the one to blame. You’ve been nothing but sweet. I’ve been kind of horrible to you for the past year.” She took his hand in hers on top of the table and squeezed it softly. “You’re so compassionate and kind. So different...” Her voice died down and she dropped her gaze.

“...Different to Tom?” Ed couldn’t help but ask quietly. His voice trembled a bit upon the mention of Dougherty.

“Yeah. And Arnold.”

“I forgot about Flass”, Edward said. “He was a jerk, too.”

“Somehow I always attract the jerks”, Kristen shook her head a bit and smiled, though it was more melancholic than anything else. “Well, except for now.”

“I try my best.” They looked at each other in silence for a while. It wasn’t awkward, just thoughtful. Ed couldn’t read the expression Kristen had on her face, but it didn’t matter to him in the end. As long as Kristen liked him it was all he cared about.

“Would you like to watch the movie? Oswald’s got an entire home theatre”, Ed suggested before the moment had even the slightest chance of getting awkward. Kristen looked at her watch.

“It’s not too late yet”, she said. Ed glanced at his; around ten o’clock. God, had they really spent almost two hours just sitting around, eating? “What movie did you have in mind?”

“We can watch anything you’d like!” Edward assured. He had no idea what Kristen’s taste in movies and entertainment was. She seemed thoughtful.

“Do you like horror movies?” she asked and made Ed surprised.

“If they’re produced well, yes”, he smirked. Usually he got way too caught up in the technicalities of those kinds of movies. It was too easy to tell how they had filmed each scene, when the blood was fake, when there was CG used... But perhaps for Kringle, he could throw that aside and just enjoy the movie.

They got up in unison and Ed looked at the mess they’d made at the table. Olga would not be happy to arrive at work the next morning and find the dining room in this condition, especially after Ed had explicitly told her to take a day off. “I should probably clean up here before we go.” Kristen also looked at the table and the smears of meatball sauce on the tablecloth from when they had decided to feed one another.

“I’ll help”, she requested and was already about to grab her plate when Ed stopped her in her tracks.

“No!” he said loud enough to make Kristen flinch. She looked up at him, slightly shocked at such a sudden outburst. “I- I mean. You’re the guest! You should just be enjoying yourself. I’ll clean!”

“It really isn’t an issue.” Kristen crossed her arms. “I’m no damsel in distress. I know how to wash a plate.”

“Of course you do”, Ed said and pushed his glasses back with a blush starting to make its way to his face. _Why did you do that?????_ Kristen looked uncomfortable. “I’m sorry. I didn’t- I wasn’t trying to order you around.”

Her facial expression softened a little bit upon the stuttering. She had probably noticed how nervous Ed had gotten all of sudden. “It’s okay, Edward.” She took his hand in hers. He looked at the conjoined fingers, unblinkingly. He slowly shifted his dark eyes over to Kristen’s. God, her eyes were the most beautiful thing. Such a strong shade of green – even more obvious than the pale green of Oswald’s left eye. Hers looked like emeralds. He remembered he had once tried complimenting her on them, but it had backfired. She hadn’t appreciated him comparing her eyes to American bullfrogs.

“It’s okay”, she repeated when he stayed quiet. When had she gotten so incredibly close? There was barely an inch of space between their bodies. Kristen was so short compared to him. The way she looked up at him made his heart race.

Before Edward realized what he was doing, he was already leaning in for a kiss. To his great surprise, Kristen didn’t pull away, but instead met him midway. It was only a small peck on the lips, one of which caused their glasses to clink against one another and break the silence. She looked a little out of it when she broke the kiss and looked at him. Then, a giggle escaped her mouth. Ed let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and also huffed a bit of a laughter. In a monotone motion they reached for their glasses. Ed barely got his off and securely into his pocket before Kristen already pulled him into a deeper kiss.

He had anticipated the kiss to happen later tonight, maybe after the movie had ended and they’d be lounging on a loveseat, wrapped around each other like high schoolers. He had imagined how he would push back her hair and smooch her on the cheek first. But if he was honest, Edward liked this version better. Kristen was surprisingly fierce in the way she kissed, wrapping her arms around Ed’s shoulders and hungrily nibbling on his bottom lip. Just like Dougherty had called her; fiery. She pushed him gently against the dining table and grabbed a chunk of his wavy hairs, holding his head in place. Ed hummed into her mouth contently.

The moment was over as soon as it had started. When Kristen suddenly pulled back, Edward was initially confused and immediately missed the warmth around him. Kristen was staring over his shoulder, cheeks glistening crimson red. Ed quickly put his glasses back and turned around. And almost shat himself on the spot. Oswald was staring at them from the doorway, hand frozen on the doorknob and the monocle shattered on the floor as it had fallen upon his face stretching into an expression of utter disbelief.

“M-Mr. Penguin!” Ed stuttered and straightened his shirt which was quite a mess after Kringle. The woman had seemingly lost the ability to speak, because she was keen on staring at the floor. “What a surprise! Um, how exactly are you here?”

“My meeting ended prematurely”, Oswald said slowly, eyes dancing between the two lovers.

“Ah”, Ed got out and smiled sheepishly. He felt his face burning. Why did Oswald look like that? So shocked? So... disappointed? “Oh! This is Kristen”, he tried to save the situation by placing a hand around the woman and flashing a charming smile.

“Hello, Mr. Cobblepot”, Kristen muttered. She looked to have an inner conflict on whether to act like they hadn’t just been caught in the midst of a passionate make-out session or run out of the room.

“...I see”, Oswald said. Ed bit his tongue so he would not make a “no you don’t” joke – after all, the monocle was still on the floor – and just smiled brightly. Oswald composed himself and smiled dashingly. “My apologies. Do continue!”

Ed wanted to shout after him, but the man was gone before he could find the right words. They both kept their eyes on the doorway for a moment before Kristen looked back at Ed.

“Ooookie dokie. That happened”, Ed said and laughed awkwardly. Kristen shook her head a bit but couldn’t hide her smirk.

“He didn’t look very pleased to find his sugar baby kissing another person”, she tilted her head. Edward opened his mouth, eyes wide, but didn’t actually have any plan on what to say.

“Oh dear I probably should have told you about that, huh?” he finally got out and looked at the floor. “It’s all a lie.”

“What?”

“I’m not actually. You know. With him, or anything. Our relationship is purely platonic, I swear!” Ed stumbled with his words. “It’s a business thing. I kind of work for him. But I guess that’s a secret so please don’t tell anyone.”

“I see?” was Kristen’s turn to say. “I thought about it. You don’t seem like the type of person to be into older men. Or men in general.” Edward let out another nervous laughter.

“Yeah”, he said and rubbed his neck. Now was probably not a good time to say he had crushed on commissioner Gordon for like three months when he had first entered the GCPD. “Oswald is a great friend and mentor. That’s all our relationship is”, he assured.

“I don’t know about you, but I’d like to continue the night despite him being back”, Kristen changed the subject and Edward was glad about that. He grinned.

“Likewise”, he responded and wrapped his arms around her waist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kristen kringle tops send tweet


	10. i love it when you go crazy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i told yall shit was gonna go down and it most certainly will

Much like the rest of the house, Edward’s bedroom did not disappoint Kristen. It was large and spacious, dark green curtains draped over the windows and the oil lamp on the bedside table emitting a comforting glow. After snooping around for a bit, Kristen sat on the edge of the bed and kicked off her undeniably uncomfortable-looking high heels. Ed had realized she had been wearing them when she had inched right in front of him; after all, their height difference hadn’t felt as intense as it was meant to.

“You just keep blowing me away”, Kristen said while glancing at the floor-to-ceiling bookcases at one side of the room. Edward had been ecstatic to see them and had finally been able to stack all those books from his closet to there.

“You’re lucky that I moved here. My last apartment was a dump”, Ed laughed and sat down next to her, as close as he dared. “I imagine you keep your house in pristine condition.”

“Oh, quite the opposite”, Kristen revealed. “I’m always too tired after work to clean up.”

“I can’t help but feel like that’s my fault”, Edward said and bit his lip with a small chuckle.

“Well you can make it up now, can’t you?” she put her hand on top of Ed’s and smiled. It was almost teasing in a way. Edward did not wait around after such a clear indication of motives. Thank the lord for soundproof walls and the king-sized bed, he found himself thinking as he was pushed on the bed and Kristen sat on top of him.

So they definitely didn’t watch a movie, then. Ed was still kind of blown away – figuratively and literally – by what had happened and had zero motivation to get up from the bed to clean himself or the room up. Their clothes were all over the bedroom; Ed could see a glimpse of the green dress around his work desk and his own trousers at the doorway. At least they both had managed to pull their underwear back on. Despite being December, his body felt like it was on fire. Could have been the blanket Kristen had pulled over their exposed bodies after they were finished, though.

It seemed like reality was slowly starting to hit both of them. Ed looked at Kristen, laying down still slightly on top of him. The way her lipstick was all smeared and the pretty blush on her cheeks was all natural made him filled with pure glee. She also looked up at him.

“Those were some pretty noises you made”, she whispered and snuggled up closer to him. If it was even possible, Ed got redder in the face.

“Good thing Mr. Penguin had all kinds of things in his closets”, he sighed and glanced at the sizeable strap-on on the floor. Surely Oswald wouldn’t mind that they had borrowed it. Especially if he never found out... “I can’t help but wonder, though... Are you like this with all your partners?”

“God, no”, Kristen said and giggled a bit.

“I figured Dougherty’s fragile masculinity would have shattered into a thousand, icy pieces if he had been pegged”, Ed yawned, grinning slightly at the wordplay he had pulled off.

“Oh god.” He opened his eyes forcefully when he felt Kristen’s weight and warmth leave his side. The woman had suddenly sat up and was looking around herself like she had only now realized where she was. “Oh god, what have I done...?”

“What’s wrong?” Ed also sat up, wincing a little at the pain on his lower back. Kristen was already standing up, but Ed pulled her back on the bed. “Please, is it something I said?”

“I- You just- Tom...” She wasn’t making any sense. Edward shifted their positions so he could look at her in the eyes. “When he finds out I did this-“

“I really don’t think you have to worry about that.”

“Ed, you don’t get it!” Kristen freaked out and grabbed his hand. “Tom is _not_ going to stay away for long. He- he said that if he ever saw me with another man he would kill me and then the man!” Tears were already swelling up in her forest green eyes. The eyes Ed loved so, so much. He squeezed her hand tighter.

“I promise you, Dougherty will not be an issue anymore”, he said reassuringly and swiped her tears away with his thumb.

“How can you be so sure?” Kristen asked, voice trembling as much as her entire body.

“Oh, I’m sure.” Edward couldn’t keep the laughter inside, even though it probably seemed a little inappropriate. Kristen furrowed her brows and tilted her head at the comment. “That’s because he’s dead.”

She stared at him blankly for a moment. “...Dead for me, yeah maybe”, she finally said and laughed nervously herself. “But we’re screwed.”

“No no no”, Ed said with a wide smile. “He’s dead. I killed him.” Kristen’s eyes widened.

“Ed, that’s not funny”, she said. Edward looked at her unblinkingly until he remembered something. He got up from the bed and hurried to the nightstand. There was _one_ piece of officer Dougherty left behind. Oswald had presented it to him after his initial freak-out had been over. He rummaged through the first drawer and found what he was looking for. He returned on the bed and opened his fist.

“Like I said”, he said and presented the police badge to Kristen, “you do not have to worry about Tom Dougherty anymore.”

Kristen looked like she had forgotten how to breathe and blink all at once. All she did for the next half a minute was look at the badge in his hand. Ed smiled at her. She was safe, no one was going to hunt her down for sleeping with him. Surely she’d appreciate that.

“Y-you... killed him”, Kristen finally opened her mouth after what felt like an hour. Her gaze slowly shifted from the badge to Ed’s eyes. And then she reacted. Before Edward could even defend himself, she slapped him in the face so hard that his body fell backwards on the bed. She got up from the bed, seething with fear and pure rage.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” she screamed as she stumbled across the floor to grab her dress. “You- you’re a monster! First you s-stalk me for a year and then _kill my BOYFRIEND_?”

“Kristen!” he got his voice back and shot up from the bed, still holding the cheek she had hit.

“How could I ever let you touch me? Kiss me? Have _sex_ with me?” she spat the allegations out like they were poison. She had managed to pull her dress back on and was already making a beeline for her purse. “Do you get off to that shit or something? Knowing what you’ve done?!”

“Ms. Kringle please listen”, Ed tried to catch her attention and quickly snatched the purse from the floor, throwing it behind the bed so she wouldn’t get a hold of it. “I only did it to prot-“

“To PROTECT me? You killed a man, you disgusting freak!” she screamed, orange strands of hair falling over her face as she trembled. She turned around and began running for the door. Ed followed despite not remembering telling his legs to do so. The door was firmly locked, and the lock mechanism was old and cranky; Ed himself had gotten stuck in the door for a good fifteen minutes one morning, so it was not surprise she couldn’t just fling the door open and run for it. Edward reached the door and grabbed her by the wrist, forcing her to let go.

“Stop!” she shouted and tried to hit him, but he also took a hold of her other hand and pushed them against the door, locking her in place.

“LISTEN TO ME!” he groaned, pinning her in place with one arm and pushing her into the wood with his other one, now gripping her throat. She tried to bite him. “I would _never_ hurt you, Kristen!” he exclaimed, desperation dripping from his voice. She went to reply but Ed shut her up by letting go of her hands and moving his newly freed hand in front of her mouth. She gave a muffled scream.

“I only killed him to protect you! I saw how much he hurt you and I could not stand it. I love you!” His eyes were tearing up too, now. “I love you! I love you so so much, Kristen! More than I’ve ever loved anyone! And I won’t let anyone hurt you, _ever_!” Why was she not putting up a fight? She had to means to do it now that her arms were completely free. But she just stared at him with glossy eyes.

Ed only realized hard he had been squeezing the woman’s neck when her legs gave in and she collapsed in his arms. Ed let out a gasp and fell to his knees alongside Kristen. Her eyes were unblinking, tear tracks dried on her pale face. Her throat was already bruising around were Ed’s fingers had squeezed her.

“No”, his voice faltered like a leaf in the summer wind. “No, Kristen.” He shook her body even though deep down he knew there was absolutely nothing he could do. His body collapsed on top of hers into a sobbing mess. There was no way that had happened. This was all just a bad dream, right? The whole ordeal? He hadn’t killed her, he hadn’t even killed Dougherty, right? He would wake up in his bed soon, in his small open plan apartment, and realize it had all just been a huge, terrifying nightmare. That had to be it. God, his head hurt.

Before he realized, he had fallen on the ground, laying down next to Kristen’s lifeless body. He could barely see her through the tears, could barely form a coherent thought through his sobbing and the headache forming. The pain in his scalp was nothing compared to the pain in his heart, though. His body gave up and he fell into a feverish state of sleep, still cradling the corpse in his arms.

Except his consciousness seemed to have different plans for that night. He opened his eyes barely a minute after passing out. Suddenly, the headache was gone. And more importantly, the heartache was gone. He backed away from the body a little bit and looked at her. _What a mess you’ve made, Eddie._ He got up from the ground and began dressing up in whatever clothes he could find across the room. It was always _him_ that had to do something about the stupid shit Ed pulled, huh?

Five minutes later he knocked on Oswald’s bedroom door. It was a miracle if the older man hadn’t heard Kristen screaming from across the hallway. It took a moment before the door creaked open slightly and revealed Oswald in his black dressing gown, a glass of booze in his hands. “Oh”, he sighed as he recognized the man behind the door.

“I need to dispose of a body”, Edward said nonchalantly and made Oswald almost choke on his drink. “Oh dear”, he muttered as the man rushed to put his drink down, still coughing.

“You _what_?” Oswald asked as he returned to the doorway. Ed chuckled a little bit and looked around his shoulder.

“A body. Disposal of a body, please”, he said and stepped aside so Oswald could see Kristen’s corpse laying on the hallway floor behind him. Oswald’s eyes widened so much that if he had been wearing the monocle, it would have certainly fallen out.

“Wait- wha- what the hell did you do??” he stuttered, eyes moving between Ed and the body so fast it would certainly cause nausea.

“I said I like choking, didn’t I?” Edward joked, but it was cut short by Oswald grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him down to meet his eyes.

“You _killed_ her???” he spat out.

“Ed made a small miscalculation”, the brunette admitted and grinned. “She’s gone. Sorry if you wanted a daughter-in-law out of her.”

“What do you mean _Ed_ made a miscalculation? You ARE ED!”

“Oh, right. Well, not really?” Edward said and pulled Oswald’s arm off of him. “You see, there’s kind of like two of us. The Ed you know; the shy and awkward nerd who just wants to live a boring life while swooning over some girl. And then there’s me, the stronger, better version of him. Sometimes I manage to take control.” He glanced at Kristen again and laughed. “But I assure you, _that_ ”, he pointed at the corpse, “was all innocent Eddie.”

Oswald looked at him like Ed had lost his mind before starting to rub the bridge of his nose. “Where do you want me to dump her?” he finally asked and looked back up at Ed. Edward tilted his head thoughtfully.

“I’m sure I’d like to see her in the morning once I wake up”, he said and tapped his chin with a finger. “Put her somewhere safe. Don’t let her decompose just yet.”

“Ice it is”, Oswald sighed and left the doorway. He limped up to his bedside table and took his cell phone in his hand. Edward politely waited as he made a call. “Yeah. I need a cooler. She’s like maybe five foot five. No I don’t care. Get your cold ass over here, I don’t need the hallway smelling like a rotting corpse.”

“Was that Victor Fries?” Ed asked.

“Yes”, Oswald said and threw the phone on the bed. “He’ll be here in thirty. Just leave her there.”

“Thank you”, Edward bowed mockingly and clasped his hands together. Oswald furrowed his eyebrows.

“So you were going to keep this alter ego of yours a secret until... how long exactly?” he asked. Edward didn’t really like the irritated tone, but he brushed it off with a dashing smile.

“Trust me. I’ve been trying to get out for a good while now. Usually I’m just a voice in his head, but if his emotions take complete control, I get to play”, he said and grinned. “And god does it feel good to be here!”

“So how does this change things?”

“Oh. I don’t think Ed will remember anything about this interaction of ours when he wakes up”, Ed shook his head with a pitiful smile. “Comfort him, will ya? He’s so fragile. Unless the planets align and I’m still in control, of course.”

“So he won’t remember any of this?” Oswald confirmed, nodding at the corpse.

“He’ll remember killing her, but not anything after I overtook his mind and body”, Ed cleared up and put a hand on his hip. “Shame. She was cute. Oh well.”

“Why’d you- he kill her?” Oswald walked up to the door again as he spoke.

“Turns out women don’t appreciate you killing their abusive boyfriends and then having sex with her all within a month.” Edward sighed exasperatedly and shook his head. “Can you believe that?”

“Wait, you told her about Dougherty?” Oswald asked, disbelief dripping from his words.

“Yeah?”

“Why did you think that was even remotely a good idea?”

“Ask Ed”, Edward smirked. “Sorry for interrupting your night of alcoholism. I’ll be on my way.”

“Wait”, Oswald grabbed his arm when he started to leave. Ed turned back around and looked at him with a devilish grin. “I’m doing you a big favor here, Edward. What will I get in return?” Oswald asked and tilted his head. There was a spark of something in his voice and expression that Ed couldn’t quite comprehend, but his smirk didn’t falter. Instead, he stepped closer to the older man and placed  hand on his shoulder.

“Hmm”, he hummed and looked at him up and down. Then, before Oswald had the time or means to resist, he leaned down and pressed his lips on Oswald’s. The raven-haired man let out a surprised moan against his mouth but did not immediately push Ed away. The kiss didn’t last for long, but it was still static. Edward pulled back with the widest, naughtiest smile he’d ever had on his face.

“Good night, _daddy_ ”, he whispered and left the room before Oswald could recover from the shock.

So apparently Edward had killed Kristen Kringle _and_ kissed the Penguin all within an hour. Splendid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all i love kristen but had to happen ;__; sowwy.  
> at least she topped ed before she went, hey. silver lining!


	11. maybe i should stop and start confessing

Edward woke up the next morning with a throbbing headache. This was something he was used to already, and he first brushed it off as a slight migraine mixed with a hangover from the excessive wine-drinking, but he quickly realized there was something way more sinister behind the pain.

“ _Morning, sleepyhead_.” He jolted upright and immediately groaned, grabbing his head while fumbling to get a hold of his glasses. Once he could see, he turned to look at the familiar man sitting on the windowsill. Apparently morning hallucinations had started to become a very continuous thing. He rubbed his tired eyes while trying to clear his head.

“ _I’m surprised how calm you’re lookin’... Considering the activities of last night.”_

Suddenly it all came back to Edward in such a rush that he almost fell off the bed. The hallucination laughed loudly as he looked frantically around the room. Kristen’s body was no longer at the doorway where he had left her. Then again, hadn’t he also fallen unconscious right by her side, yet now he was in his bed?

“Where is she?” Ed groaned. He sat up properly, feet hanging from the side of the bed, and massaged his temples to refresh his memory.

“ _You tell me, Casanova_ ”, his other side said with a mocking tone and left the windowsill. He walked up to the door and tilted his head. “ _Yep, empty.”_ He grinned. “ _What a shame.”_

“D-did you take her somewhere?” Edward’s voice trembled as much as the rest of his body did when he stood up and grabbed the bookcase for support. His legs felt like overcooked pasta.

“ _You did. Well, I guess I might’ve borrowed your body for it...”_

“Where IS SHE?” Ed shouted louder than had been his intention. Wavy strands of hair were falling over his face as he shook in place. This was not good. This was the opposite of good. God, did Oswald know? Why? How?

“ _Ask daddy_ ”, the figment of his imagination shrugged and leaned against a desk. For a second he was taken aback by the blatant use of ‘daddy’, but he ignored it. As much as Edward wanted to argue with himself for longer, he realized that was probably not the best way to handle things right now. This was his fault. _He_ needed to fix this. He stormed out of his room and stumbled across the hallway up to Oswald’s door.

Oswald opened the door after the third knock; Ed had already thought of kicking the door in, but in his shaken state it would have not ended well for any of them. The older man looked incredibly irritated, hair draping over his forehead messily and the familiar morning gown barely tied up. His expression shifted aggressively when he saw who was behind the door.

“Ed-“

“Where is Kristen?” Ed asked, eyes so wide he felt as if they could pop right out of their sockets. “I- I woke up and she was gone, and I don’t remember anything and-“, he babbled, voice getting higher and higher with every passing second. His breath hitched and he gasped for oxygen just as Oswald opened the door fully and grabbed his shoulder.

“Take it easy”, Oswald commanded and squeezed the shirt-covered arm. “I already know. Victor Fries has everything under control.”

“What?” Ed asked as Oswald pushed him out of the room and followed soon after, having grabbed his cane and a pair of slippers. Oswald took his arm again and dragged him at the end of the hallway and down the stairs. “Oswald, please wait.”

Oswald stopped on his tracks and looked over his shoulder at Ed who had frozen in place in the middle of the staircase. “What is it?”

“I- I killed her.” Edward’s voice broke in the middle of the sentence and the hot tears that had already been building up behind his glasses finally let loose. “Oh god, I... I hurt her... She-“

“Edward.” Oswald’s voice was low and warm, smooth as butter, as he turned to properly face the younger man and took a hold of both of Ed’s arms. Ed was thankful for the gesture, because he truly felt like he could pass out right then and there. “Breathe.” Ed did, to the best of his abilities. He took off his glasses and wiped his face. How pathetic was he?

“Let’s make one thing clear”, Oswald said. “Yes, you killed Kristen Kringle. But nobody, and I repeat _nobody_ except for you and me knows the truth.”

“H-How do _you_ know?” Ed asked. His voice was only a whisper.

“You came to me last night. Told me to dispose her body but decided it would be better if we were to keep it around for today”, Oswald explained, rubbing soothing circles to Ed’s arms with his thumbs.

“I did?” Ed asked, sounding momentarily confused, before he remembered what his other side had told him. “Oh, right. _He_ came to you.”

“Yes”, Oswald’s tone of voice suddenly changed, and he darted his eyes away from Ed’s. Ed tilted his head.

“Was I weird?”

“Slightly out of character”, Oswald said. It didn’t really answer Edward’s question in a way he would have liked, but he decided it was good enough and sighed. His breath was shaky, but the tears had dried.

“Okay”, he said slowly, trying to compose himself. “Okay. Let’s go.”

Oswald led him down the stairs and past the dining room. Edward could not help but feel slightly excited when he realized Oswald had begun opening one of the secret rooms. His excitement was short-lived, because he knew exactly what was waiting for them on the other side of the hidden door. Oswald slid through the doorway and walked inside the dark room. Automatic lights turned on as the man strode in front of a cooler laying on the floor. Ed shuddered as he followed. The temperature in the room was way lower than the last time he had visited.

Oswald opened the locked cooler and Ed inhaled sharply as soon as he saw the contents. “Unfortunately Freeze didn’t have a big enough cooler available, so we had to, um, improvise”, Oswald scratched his neck as Ed stepped closer to the corpse. Kristen was mostly in one piece, but her legs had been severed from the knees down. The sight made Edward’s stomach flip. She was there because of him.

“I- I see that”, he stuttered, leaning further in. “I’m sorry, could I have a moment alone?” he turned to look at Oswald. The older man nodded in an instant and backed away, limping out of the room. The moment Ed knew Oswald could no longer see or hear him, he broke down. He collapsed on the floor and buried his face on the side of the cooler. It was nice and cold as opposed to his hot tears and burning face. He still expected to wake up and realize it had all been a nightmare, but the reality was starting to settle down. It was not a dream. He was a murderer and had killed two people now. One out of hatred. One out of love.

“ _Come **on**... This again?”_ He didn’t look behind his back despite hearing the voice mocking him. “ _Get over yourself.”_

“I killed her”, Ed sobbed and raised his head enough to look into the cooler. Kristen’s face was pale and cold, lips already bruised blue, eyes glassy and staring at nothing, partly frozen. Edward could see a few faint hickeys that had formed on the woman’s neck, but more importantly there was a massive bruise along her neck, an indicator of the placement of Edward’s choking hands.

“ _Listen up, buddy. She would’ve snitched on us if you had let her go_ ”, his hallucinative counterpart spoke. “ _She didn’t love us, Eddie. Never did.”_

“Yes, she did!” Ed snapped and looked around his shoulder at the other. “And I loved _her!_ ”

“ _Did you love her, or did you just love the attention you got from her?_ ” The question made Ed pause crying. He furrowed his brows and looked at the figment of his imagination with the most confused expression.

“What do you mean by that?”

“ _God knows father never gave us the attention. Or mother. Or anybody for that matter.”_ He laughed at Edward’s expression. “ _You fell head over heels for her because she was the only person who could stand you for more than ten minutes.”_

Ed wanted to argue. He truly wanted nothing more than stand up and choke the other while telling him the truth. But he simply couldn’t find anything worth of an argument. They both knew it was the truth. Hell, they were the same person. The same life, the same thoughts, the same body. It was true. “You’re right”, Edward said weakly.

“ _As usual.”_

“That doesn’t change the fact that I’m a killer.”

“ _You see, that would almost indicate that you_ liked _it”_ , his other side said and tilted his head with a wide grin. A grin way too malicious to be Ed’s. “ _We both know you liked slaughtering Dougherty._ ”

“I did.” Ed hung his head, glancing at the corpse before him again.

“ _Why is she different, then?_ ”

Ed opened his mouth but began thinking about what he wanted to say. He was going to shout, “because I love her!”, but was it actually the reason? He closed his mouth, annoyed to see how smug the hallucination’s smile looked upon the gesture. “ _That’s what I thought.”_

“I... liked the action, but not the consequence it brought”, Ed said slowly. The cogs were turning in his head. The more he thought about the sentence, the more it made sense. The figment of his imagination clapped his hands together and let out a howl of laughter.

_“There we go!”_ he shouted and jumped off the counter he had been sitting on. Ed swiped his face to get rid of the tears and bit his lip. What was done was done. No one could bring Kristen Kringle back. Were these thoughts his or his other half’s? His head was hurting more than it had back in the bedroom.

“ _Come oooon, Eddie...”_ The voice slithered up his ears, inside his head. Well, it was literally a voice in his head, but now it surrounded his whole body like oxygen. “ _Let’s go hide a body.”_

He jolted up from the ground almost mechanically. Suddenly it was all so clear. He no longer felt sadness when he looked at Kristen’s lifeless body. In fact, he was smiling. It widened until he burst into a fit of laughter. It echoed down the empty room, uncontrollable and unstoppable. God, he had been so stupid! So dumb. _Oh Eddie..._

“What the hell are you doing?” He turned around lazily, still giggling to himself. Oswald was staring at him from the doorway. He had managed to get dressed in the time it had taken Ed to sulk and sob on the floor, and his black hair was almost tamed too. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing”, Ed stifled a laugh in his palm and grinned so wide he felt like the edges of his mouth could rip apart. “Would you like to help me again, _daddy_?”

“H-huh?” Oswald’s pale face flushed a light shade of red and he instinctively grabbed his cane tighter as if he could fall over by the sheer power of Edward’s words.

“I want to get rid of this mess”, Ed said and pointed over his shoulder at the corpse.

“I thought you wanted to reminisce”, Oswald tilted his head.

“I’m over it”, Ed walked up to the shorter man and leaned on his knees so he could face Oswald on the same level. “Pretty please.” He gave his best puppy eyes. “Can we go bury a body?”

Oswald composed himself after looking like he might faint and coughed a little before straightening his form. “Whatever you want”, he complied and forced a smile on his face. Ed’s eyes lit up and he grabbed Oswald’s arm excitedly.

“Can I dig the hole?”

“Well _I’m_ not touching a shovel”, Oswald scoffed and gave a small grin himself. “I think I’ll still call Gabe over. You know, if we need more horsepower.”

It turned out that Oswald’s decision to invite over a goon was an excellent one. Edward had ultimately overestimated his own abilities as a grave digger, and the snow that had fallen all around Gotham in multiple inches was not a helping factor. As soon as he had stepped out of the car and sunken into the deep pile of freezing snow, he had changed his mind. Oswald had gotten a good belly laugh as he’d watched Ed struggle to drag the cooler – even with the wheels – to the spot he wanted in the woods.

“It’s fine, Edward”, Oswald rubbed his arm while trying to hide his grin. Ed crossed his arms and pouted as he watched Gabe fight his way through the snow and the frozen ground below it. Maybe this hadn’t been such an excellent idea. They could have waited until the snow had melted...

“I wanted to be the one to do it”, he muttered and glanced at Oswald. “Damn it.”

“I promise you’ll get another chance.” They stood in silence for a moment, just watching Gabe work his ass off with the grave. The man was huge and was doing a way faster job than was considered normal. Ed suspected it wasn’t the first time he was cleaning up Oswald’s dead bodies.

“I can’t help but ask”, Oswald broke the silence. Ed turned to look at him properly. “Who am I talking to right now?”

“What do you mean?” Ed asked and tilted his head with a soft smirk.

“I mean, are you ‘oh no I killed my girlfriend’-Ed or ‘good night, daddy’-Ed”, Oswald raised his eyebrow.

“Oh”, Edward said and laughed. “The latter.”

“Is that so...?”

“Mm-hmm”, Ed grinned stupidly and nudged the older man with his shoulder. “Turns out Ed being this fragile is awfully convenient for me.” Oswald opened his mouth, but Gabe interrupted.

“It’s done, Boss.”

“Already?” Oswald looked at his watch. “Well then. Want to say bye, Ed?”

Ed stepped closer to the hole. It could probably fit the whole cooler inside itself, but he wasn’t sure if Oswald or Victor Fries would appreciate it. He ended up going the safe route and pouring the contents of the box into the grave. Her body fell in face first with an agonizing thump.

“It’s a shame we couldn’t be together for longer. I cared about you, but you didn’t appreciate the lengths I went for you. Goodbye, Ms. Kringle”, he spoke without a single trace of melancholy in his voice. He stared at the body for a moment longer, face blank, before raising his head and nodding at Gabe as an indicator that he was done. The large man began shovelling the ground and snow back to its original place, and Ed returned to Oswald.

“Poetic”, Oswald said sarcastically and patted Edward on the shoulder. “Now, why won’t we get the hell out of this freezing dump?”

It only took Gabe a couple of minutes to cover the hole and return to the car where Oswald and Ed were already waiting for him. Their driver immediately started the engine and backed out of the forest. Ed looked out of the back window for a moment until he no longer could see the spot his ex-girlfriend was buried in.

“What is your next move?” Oswald asked and lit a cigarette.

“Hmm”, Ed straightened his long legs and leaned against the backdoor, placing his feet on Oswald’s lap. He grinned at the way his body flinched at the gesture. “That depends on what you want.”

Oswald was quiet for a while, inhaling the smoke, clearly thinking. He rolled up the window a little bit and exhaled the smoke out of it. “You kissed me last night”, he finally said, and it sounded more like a question than a statement.

“I did”, Ed said.

“Why?”

“I don’t know”, Edward shrugged. “I thought you’d like it. Was I wrong?”

Another sharp inhale of the smoke. “...No. No, you weren’t.”

“Then I don’t see the issue.”

“The issue is that the other Ed would freak the hell out if he found out”, Oswald said, clearly frustrated by how nonchalant Edward acted. He threw the rest of the cigarette out of the window and rolled it back up.

“Then you just have to make sure he _won’t_ ”, Ed chirped. Before Oswald could resist, he had already scooted closer to the man and pressed a breathy kiss on his cheek. Oswald flushed a deep crimson color and it made Edward grin with glee. “Would you like more of where that came from?”

“And what if I did?” Oswald sounded defensive, almost like he was prepared to get laughed at. Ed knew Oswald was glad that Gabe was dumb as a sack of potatoes and would not notice anything they got up to on the backseat of the limousine.

“Oh, do you _like_ me, daddy?”

“Edwa-“

“You like it when I call you that”, Ed interrupted and laughed. Not maliciously, just victoriously. The old Ed might not have, but he had noticed the way Oswald looked at him. The way he always smile when Ed walked into the room. The way he blushed and averted his gaze whenever Ed jokingly called him ‘daddy’.

“You’re pushing my buttons, Ed”, Oswald huffed and fidgeted on the seat.

“You didn’t deny my statement”, Edward said, smirking like a maniac. Oswald stayed quiet, but he had his thinking expression on his face again.

“Fine”, he said and let out a resigned sigh. “Yes. I do. I like it. And I like you. Is that what you wanted to hear, you damn tease?”

“Oh yes”, Ed growled, unable to contain his expression of pure triumph. “Maybe we could, I don’t know... Take the sugar daddy thing to the next level?” Oswald’s eyes shot up to look at his. The monocle fell on his lap as his eyes widened in surprise.

“Are you serious?” he asked.

“I can do anything you want as long as the price is negotiated”, Ed had a diabolic smile on his usually so soft face. It was almost hungry, lustful. Oswald licked his lips and considered.

“One grand per night.”

“What?!” Ed jolted upwards and startled the driver with the sudden loud shriek. They both slammed slightly to the right when the driver did an uncalculated turn. Ed accidentally bit his tongue thanks to the impact, but he was quick to recover. He grabbed Oswald’s thigh and looked at him intensely.

“One thousand bucks?” he asked, voice hitched.

“I-Is it too little?” Oswald asked, trying to readjust his monocle.

“Are you _kidding me_?” Ed said and burst into laughter. “I was over here thinking like maybe fifty a night! _One grand??_ ”

Oswald opened his mouth in confusion, but Ed interrupted again. “Nuh-uh”, he shook his finger and placed it on Oswald’s lips. “No take backsies! One grand it is.” He raised his other hand for a handshake. Oswald backed away from his finger and looked at the hand like he didn’t know what he was supposed to do with it. Finally, he grabbed it and gave it a squeeze.

“Then it’s settled.”

So apparently Edward had sold himself out to the Penguin. Splendid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally these two are getting somewhere... ;)


	12. he really doesn't like to wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING; this chapter is pretty much pure smut!
> 
> instead of finishing my essay for school, i spent three hours writing about dick-sucking. you're welcome!

As much as it felt like both of them wanted to just jump each other the second they got back to the mansion, Oswald quickly excused himself out the door again. Apparently he had yet another one of his infamous meetings. Ed didn’t really know what to do after the older man left the house. Olga was busy preparing whatever meal they would be having next and Edward the dog was occupied on destroying a sofa in the lounge room. Neither of these acquaintances were very exciting to Edward so he ended up just sitting down on the lounge and drowning in his thoughts.

He had a couple of points in his mind that needed discussing. Discussing with Oswald or simply with himself. He was surprised that he hadn’t lost control already. Usually the bearer of their body only went out for an hour or two if he wasn’t asleep, but now he felt incredibly energetic and in control of the whole situation. Maybe it was a good sign of the tides turning. The innocent Ed was losing to the more dominant counterpart in his head. That was something he had been trying to ensue for years. Who knew a couple murders was all it took?

Oswald returned to the mansion in the afternoon, accompanied with his book-keeper, Mr. Penn. Edward hadn’t ever really cared about the man; he was sheepish, even shyer than Ed himself, and it seemed like Penguin had the poor man under his foot with zero effort. Edward had migrated into the library and heard Oswald’s screeching from the lounge. He quickly returned to where he’d been sitting a couple hours prior and found Oswald shouting at his pet.

“Edward! The sofa again, really?!” the raven-haired man scooped the bulldog from the ground and shook the dog in front of his face. “That was the third one in five months! You’re not a damn cat.”

Ed snickered and scooted alongside Mr. Penn. “I don’t think the dog speaks English.”

“Why didn’t you stop him?!” Oswald demanded as he threw the dog on the couch – Ed noticed he had put in as little muscle power as possible, clearly not actually wanting to hurt the pup. It just barked once before settling on the mess around itself; the whole sofa had been clawed into shreds, feathers from the pillows and the stuffing of the couch all over the floor.

“I’m not your pup-sitter”, Edward scoffed with a grin. He knew it wasn’t about the couch – Oswald could easily afford another one – but more-so the fact that someone had disobeyed him. “Maybe you haven’t trained him well enough.” The brunette smiled deviously at Oswald’s face, which had once again gotten rather red. “Keep him on a leash.”

“Be careful or you’ll find yourself on a leash, Ed”, Oswald snapped back. Ed’s eyes glimmered.

“Kinky”, he growled.

“Mr. Cobblepot, s-sir”, Mr. Penn interrupted, clearly eager to stop the two men from tearing each other apart. Or perhaps he just wanted to escape to sexual tension in the room. “Shall I put an order for a new couch?”

Oswald’s face softened a little bit upon the question, but he was still glaring at both of the Edwards before answering. “Sure. Make sure to get the same one, I liked it.”

“Yes, sir.” With that, Mr. Penn excused himself from the situation and rushed out of the room. Ed looked at the dog and tilted his head.

“And what comes to you...” He snapped his head back when Oswald spoke again. The older man had sat down on the non-destroyed sofa and was looking Edward up and down. “I’m guessing you’re still wild Ed.”

“Yessir”, Ed mimicked Mr. Penn’s earlier wording and grinned.

“Figured as much”, Oswald sighed and threw his top hat on the coffee table. It slid across it and fell to the ground, but the man made zero effort to pick it back up. Edward looked at him, observant as ever. While Oswald definitely hadn’t aged badly when it came to his face, it was moments like these, the annoyed wrinkles on his forehead and the twitching on his real eye, that made him look his age. Ed didn’t hesitate to take a seat next to the other.

“Did the sofa mean _that_ much to you?” he smirked and slid his hand on the man’s knee. Oswald howled a dry laughter and sunk deeper into the couch.

“Don’t be ridiculous”, he said and closed his eyes. “My meeting simply could have gone better, is all.”

“Tell me about it”, Ed requested. “I’m no therapist, but I’m curious on who or what made you this exhausted.”

“I know you don’t care about the business side of things, but I suppose it won’t hurt if you knew what was going on behind the scenes... We were discussing the next batch of ammunition we’d be getting from mainland and some fucking morons really thought it would be wise to postpone it by three weeks”, Oswald let out an exasperated sigh. He’d been right, Ed really didn’t give a damn after all.

“You look awfully tense”, Ed said. Oswald opened his eyes and glanced at him. They both knew where this was heading.

“Ed, it’s three in the afternoon”, Oswald stated after checking his watch. Edward’s grin grew wider.

“No time like present.” He ran his hand slowly up the older man’s thigh. He felt a twitch as he landed on his crotch. “You don’t want the other me ruining the moment, right?” He knew he had hit the right nerve when Oswald’s eyes sharpened.

“Lock the door”, the raven-haired man said. Ed immediately got up and hurried to the door. He slammed it close and locked it. He glanced at the dog resting on the broken down couch. It wouldn’t snitch on them. Ed made something bold and situated himself on the floor by Oswald’s feet. He leaned on the man’s good leg and smirked.

“Since I was the one to initiate, think of this like... a free trial”, the brunette suggested, looking up at the other. He noticed how this position shift had also shifted their power play. Oswald clearly seemed to like having Ed by his feet.

“You’re a subscription service now?” Oswald chuckled and ran a hand through Ed’s hair. He was testing the waters, clearly not sure if he was allowed to make a proper move despite their suggestive poses.

“I’m a sub-something”, Ed winked and laughed at Oswald’s expression. His laughter turned into a loud moan when Oswald’s soft hand turned hard and he tugged on Ed’s precious curls.

“Oh, you like that?” Oswald asked. It was Edward’s turn to blush. Still, the shit-eating grin hadn’t left his face.

“Mm-hmm”, he said and grabbed Oswald’s wrist. “Do it again.”

“See, that’s not how things are going to work, Ed”, Oswald said and, to Ed’s enormous disappointment, let go of his hair entirely. “ _I’m_ the one giving commands. _You_ obey.”

“Oooh, getting bold, are we?” Ed said teasingly. He let out a small yelp when Oswald moved faster than he had calculated and grabbed his jaw, pulling their faces only an inch away from one another.

“Get me a bottle of booze from the cabinet and pour a glass”, Oswald crooned, breath ghosting on Ed’s face. Ed could smell a hint of something chocolate-y.

“Okay”, he answered bitterly, and Oswald let go of his face. Ed bit his lower lip as he got up from the ground; the tightness around his own front was starting to get annoying. He had not planned on turning into Oswald’s errand boy, but he figured it would be good to butter the man up real nice before moving on. He examined the excessive collection of alcoholic beverages in the drink cabinet and ended up picking one he remembered Oswald complimenting a couple of weeks back.

“There you go”, he gave Oswald a glass and placed the rest of the bottle on the coffee table. “Can I help you with that already?” he asked and nodded at the very obvious hard-on peeking through Oswald’s black trousers. Oswald chugged down the glass of booze before nodding. Ed thought it was cute how he needed the encouragement from the alcohol.

Ed slid back on the floor and crawled right in-between Oswald’s legs. Now, there was clearly an elephant in the room that needed discussion, and he knew he was not going to be able to talk with a dick down his throat, so he decided now would be a prime time.

“So, I’m sure it doesn’t come off as a surprise that I’ve never done this before”, he spoke as he started tinkering with the button of Oswald’s pants. The waistband was digging into the man’s flesh and Ed couldn’t believe that was very pleasant. He’d have to make sure to ask Oswald to just embrace all the plumpness he had gathered over the years rather than trying to hide it with tight clothing.

“We’ll take it slow”, Oswald said and sighed when he felt Ed’s hand slide down the zipper and start caressing his length through the fabric of his underwear.

“You’re really big”, Ed muttered softly. It wasn’t a negative thing – more than anything he was in awe. The strap-on Kristen had used on him had already stretched his poor virgin ass to its limits, so he truly wondered how he was going to fit the real thing inside him. He wanted to keep teasing Oswald, but he simply couldn’t hold back anymore. He slipped the waistband of his boxers out of the way and felt his stomach tie itself on a knot when he finally got to stare at Oswald in all his glory.

“Wow”, was all Edward got out. Not only was he long, but thick too. The perfect combo.

“As much as I appreciate the praise, just get on with it, Ed.” He looked up at Oswald who was practically squirming in heat.

“Roger dodger”, Ed said and spat on his hand. He didn’t believe they had lube anywhere around the lounge – but then again, you never knew when it came to Oswald... – so his spit and Oswald’s precum would have to make do. He wrapped his slicked hand around the cock and gave it an experimental pump. Oswald’s breath hitched at the gesture, which Ed took as a sign that he was doing something right. Of course, he had spent a plenty of time playing by himself, but it was so different when it was another man in question. As gruesome and wrong as it felt, he tried to remember the techniques Kristen had used on him last night and used that as guidance.

After moving his hand up and down a few more times, Ed concluded that Oswald had reached the peak of his erection. It was time for the next step. He already doubted that he could fit the whole thing down his throat, so he opted for the safer option that hopefully would not end up with him passed out on the floor. He ran his long tongue up and down the length before promptly sealing his shiny lips around the tip. Oswald grunted and instinctively grabbed Ed’s hair again. Ed loved the feeling of Oswald’s rings brushing against his scalp, the light pull on his hair that made his head tingle.

It only took a few minutes before Oswald started to be at his breaking point. Edward found out that sucking dick was actually a rather pleasant experience as long as one got through the initial bitter taste, and also way easier than he had expected. He had bogarted a technique where he bopped his head up and down about halfway down the shaft while working the base with his hands, and Oswald seemed pleased with that.

“E-Ed... God, I-“, Oswald sputtered and grabbed Ed’s hair with both hands. Ed looked up at the man’s face with lidded eyes. He had gotten rid of his glasses pretty early on in the process, so Oswald was merely a blur, but he still felt pride in the way that Oswald addressed him. “Fuck, that’s it... Ed, Edward, I- I’m gonna-“

Ed had no time to react, because at that moment Oswald let out a triumphal shout and tugged on his hair, bucking his hips forward. The whole length sunk down Edward’s throat and he made a loud gagging sound as his face pressed down against the tuff of dark brown pubes. Oswald came hard straight down his throat in pulsing waves of thick semen. Ed’s gagging and his throat spasming seemed to only make the orgasm more aggressive.

When Oswald finally pulled back, completely entranced in his own little utopia, Edward dropped on the floor on all fours and quickly reached for the bottle on the table. He chugged about four shots worth of booze in one go and gasped for air, throat still burning from the abuse. He coughed and spat up the remainders of cum in his mouth, eyes teary from lack of oxygen.

“Ed, a-are you okay?” The dominant facade was gone as soon as it had appeared. Oswald tugged his pants back on and quickly leaned downwards in the direction of the younger man, voice filled with worry.

“C-could you give a warning next time?” Ed asked and couldn’t help but laugh. He looked up at Oswald and tapped the ground around him to find his glasses. Oswald was one step ahead, because he placed the glasses on Ed’s face and kissed him on the forehead.

“I’m so sorry.” He looked embarrassed, but Ed wanted nothing more than to keep staring at his face, filled with both embarrassment and pure lust. “When you said you’re a first-timer I didn’t think... I didn’t think you’d be so damn _good_.”

“I guess I’m just a natural”, Ed leaned against the older man’s legs and laughed weakly. Oswald joined in after a moment and brushed the messy curls off Edward’s forehead.

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful”, Oswald said quietly as he stared at the brunette. Ed grinned gleefully and forced himself up from the ground. He snuggled right next to Oswald on the couch and buried his face in the older man’s neck. Oswald clearly didn’t mind, because his shoulders relaxed, and he started lazily playing with Ed’s hair as they both caught their breath.

“I would say I was satisfied with my free trial”, Oswald whispered into the air. Ed chuckled sleepily. Who knew sucking dick would be so tiring? Or maybe it was the real Ed finally coming back and taking control...

“Just wait for the real deal, then”, he chirped back and kissed Oswald’s neck.

So apparently Edward had gotten to experience his first ever blowjob with the Penguin. Splendid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise we'll get into some really kinky shit in the next chapter wink wonk


	13. i feel so free when you're with me, baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING; sexual undertones, smut in the next chapter  
> somehow i managed to turn even a pure smut into slow burn so this is once again a split chapter, god damn it :D i did feel like it was important to prepare this chapter accordingly, though. it's a new experience to them so can't just expect them jumping into it like masters  
> sorry y'all, the 2nd part will be up real soon!

Edward woke up at the start of the evening to the feeling of something wet on his face. He opened his eyes and jolted backwards after realizing his namesake of a dog was licking his face. Gross, he cursed under his breath and pushed the dog off the couch. He looked around, feeling awfully thirsty and dishevelled. Someone had started a fire in the fireplace while he had been asleep, and he also realized there was a soft quilt placed over his long body, partly hanging off the bed. His face turned into a stupid grin when he thought about Oswald taking care of him like that.

Still wrapped in the cozy blanket – it was cold in the old building despite the fireplace –, he wandered out of the lounge on his quest to find Penguin. The clock on the wall told him it was half past six in the evening, so he assumed the most logical place for the man to be was in the dining room. His assumption turned correct, because as soon as he got within an earshot of the room, he heard the man’s voice trail out of the ajar door. He snuck in and saw that Oswald wasn’t alone. He was munching on a steak with an irritated expression on his face.

“It doesn’t make sense!” he snapped and threw a stack of papers on the ground with a slam. Mr. Penn looked at the mess, both scared and annoyed at the same time.

“Mr. Cobblepot, I assure you that will not help-“, he tried to calm the man now, but Oswald lost his temper and grabbed his plate. He threw the whole thing into the nearest wall with a massive crack. Ed stared at the mashed potatoes stuck on the wall. Olga would _love_ cleaning that up.

“So loud, daddy”, Ed pouted, trying to hide his cunning smile as he made his way over to the dining table. He shed the blanket on the floor just as Oswald acknowledged his existence. Penn looked at him, eyes pleading. He probably knew Ed was the only person who could even remotely calm the furious kingpin down.

“Ed...”, Oswald rubbed the bridge of his nose and breathed loud and deep. Ed took a seat on Oswald’s lap and pulled his hands off his face. Edward gave Mr. Penn a meaningful look and the man sighed in relief as he left the room in an instant. What a sheep, Ed thought as he brushed loose hairs off Oswald’s face.

“What’s wrong?” Edward asked, even though he had a pretty good idea. It was a mystery to him why Oswald had thought it would be a good idea to work while eating, though.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head with it”, Oswald huffed and grabbed Ed’s hand. “Did you rest well?”

“As well as one can on a couch”, Ed hummed and reached over the table to grab Oswald’s glass of water. He chugged it down, immediately feeling much better now that his throat wasn’t raspy and rough. Oswald played with the collar of Ed’s shirt, lost in thought. “I have work tomorrow”, Ed emphasized his distaste in the statement with a groan.

“I’m surprised you even have a job still”, Oswald chuckled. “You’ve been absent quite a bit lately. Jim’s probably mad.”

“Let him be”, Ed scoffed. He truly didn’t care what commissioner James Gordon thought of him. For all he knew, he could drop out of work and stay as Oswald’s full-time sugar baby now that they had established such a relationship.

“I think it would be better for good-boy-Ed to take it over at the GCPD”, Oswald voiced his minor concern and looked at Ed in the eyes.

“I _am_ a good boy”, Edward tried to pout again, but the grin took over. Oswald rolled his eyes and leaned back on the chair. “I know what you mean...”, Ed muttered and tugged on Oswald’s suit.

“Promise me you’ll do it”, Oswald said and grabbed the younger man’s jaw gently, forcing them to face one another. Ed looked at him, unblinkingly.

“I can’t control it.” He looked away and bit his lip. “I thought I’d wake up and be him again. But it didn’t work...”

“This is an issue”, Oswald said, once again sighing. They stood quiet for a moment before Ed decided it was enough sulking for one dinner. He took Oswald’s hand in his and squeezed lightly.

“Don’t you think it would be a good idea to make the best out of a bad situation?” he asked and winked. Oswald slammed his free hand to his forehead.

“You’re _so_ horny!”

“Well mind I remind you, only _you_ got any kind of closure in the lounge!” Edward shot back and stood up. He was still holding Oswald’s hand. “I know you want to do it.” The older man seemed to think about it.

“I have a secret room inside my bedroom. There is a keypad behind a painting. Go check it out. The code is 2315”, he finally said and caught Ed by surprise. He raised his eyebrows and looked like a lost puppy for a second.

“What’s... in the room?”

“You’ll see”, Oswald said and smirked. “Just some stuff that arrived a couple weeks back. I think you’ll like it.”

Edward didn’t need to be told twice. He let go of Oswald’s hand, picked up the blanket and threw it on a chair. 2315, he thought as he walked out of the room and left Oswald sipping on a liquor. Got it. He ventured upstairs and entered Oswald’s bedroom. It was the biggest room in the house, not counting the dining room, and was quite the magnificent sight with the enormous bed and the huge window that had a view out into the garden. There were quite a few paintings on the walls, so Ed only found the keyplate on his third guess. His fingers shook in excitement as he entered the code and heard a small click from the other side of the room. The wall next to Oswald’s walk-in-closet had opened.

Shock was probably too delicate of a word to describe the feeling that washed over Ed as he flicked the lights on in the room. It was _packed_ with stuff. A table full on different kinds of whips; the typical riding crop next to a leather whip, and the list continued. A cabinet dedicated only for chains of different thicknesses. Gags. Rope and belts. A ton of dildos of different sizes, shapes and colors. Something that looked like a pillory. Even a sex swing, if Ed wasn’t completely mistaken by the odd-looking contraption at the very corner of the room. Most of these things he had only ever seen in weird porn he had half-accidentally discovered during some dark moments of his life.

He remembered faintly that a huge order of packages and boxes had arrived in the mansions a few weeks ago, and he had not been allowed to browse through the things. He assumed this was what had been delivered. He licked his lips as he explored the items before him. Jesus Christ, Penguin was a _freak_ , he thought, grin growing wider on his face. What did he use all this stuff for? Was it something he got up to on his spare time or had it all simply been ordered just for Edward, in hopes that the sugar daddy thing would take the twist? Both of the concepts made the blood pour down into his dick faster than was probably healthy. They had even gotten up to some very light bondage – just his hands tied by his necktie – with Kristen last night, but this was next level to say the least. The whole Kristen thing felt like a hazy memory now.

“So what’s the judgement?”

He turned around with a huge grin on his face to see Oswald leaning against the doorframe, observing him. He wasn’t wearing his jacket or monocle anymore. “You just keep on surprising me”, Edward said and shook his head, still in slight disbelief. Oswald chuckled and shrugged.

“I didn’t know what you’d be into, so I just decided to buy everything the store had to offer”, he said.

Edward laughed loudly. “Wow”, he said and returned to snooping around the room. His eyes landed on an odd-looking contrivance sitting on the ground. He walked up to it and picked it up. It was quite heavy and made of wood. Looked like a mini-guillotine.

“What the hell is _this_?” he vocalized his confusion and raised the object for Oswald to see. The older man had also entered the room and tilted his head at the item at hand.

“Oh, that”, he realized what Ed was holding. “You’re meant to stick... something, in the way of the blade and then there’s a timer. Once the timer runs out, the blade comes down – unless the one holding that switch”, he pointed at the button, “stops it.”

“And that’s meant to be arousing?”

“Apparently.”

“Fascinating”, Ed smirked and ran his finger across the blade. “And sharp.”

“Don’t tell me you want to use it”, Oswald laughed.

“Maybe not right now”, Ed admitted and ended up throwing the guillotine back on the floor with a loud crash. “Honestly, this is amazing”, he looked at Oswald, grinning manically. “I didn’t even know some of this stuff existed.”

“It’d probably be more worrying if you did know about them existing”, Oswald said with a sly smile. “Enough talking. Pick what you want.”

“I can choose?” Ed raised his eyebrows.

“Duh. Why else would I have given you a head-start?”

“Good point”, Edward muttered and started glancing around the room again. Damn. This was probably the hardest decision he’d ever made. There was so much shit he wanted to do right now and so little time... Oswald noticed his uncertainty and patted him on the shoulder.

“I’ll give you five minutes. Drag what you want out of the room, I’ll go grab a bottle of something”, he said and left with a small, cheeky smile still on his lips.

And oh did he obey. Oswald had just gotten back from downstairs with not one but two bottles of booze when Ed got out of the secret room, arms full of stuff. Oswald stared at him from the doorway. Ed threw the bondage gear on the massive bed and brushed off his hands to his pants, eyes glimmering.

“You’re really ready to use all of that?” Oswald pointed at the mess with one of the bottles. Ed grinned.

“Not sober”, he said and walked up to Oswald, stealing one of the bottles from his hands and corking it. He didn’t even bother finding himself a glass, even thought he knew Oswald kept some around every room of the house, and just chugged a shot straight from the bottle. He had started getting accustomed to the general taste of booze during his stay at the mansion, and although he still wasn’t a huge fan of it, at least it didn’t make him choke with lungs out anymore. Oswald looked at him drinking the liquor, rather amused.

“Very well”, he said and corked the other bottle in his hand. “To my inevitable cardiac arrest”, he raised the bottle and toasted with Ed. Edward knew that Oswald could down both of the bottles by himself and not even get over slight tipsiness – it was more of a rule of thumb. That was definitely not the case for the brunette, though, because he already felt dizzy when he finally placed the bottle down.

“I did not think I had this in you, if I’m honest”, Oswald had moved across the room and was now examining the numerous leather objects on the bed.

“Yeah, still not sober enough”, Ed decided after he couldn’t figure out a way to answer without blushing or stuttering. The confidence boost he had gained inside the secret room was clearly over now. His heart was already beating fast and they hadn’t even started. He took the bottle and kept drinking until it felt considerably lighter than before. He had to grab the wall for support in order to not fall over.

“I don’t want you puking on my bed sheets”, Oswald raised a finger as if it would miraculously make Edward sober up. “They’re Merino wool.”

“Uh-huh?” Ed said and shook his head. He took a seat at the edge of the bed and ran his hand through the pile of things he’d haphazardly thrown down. He grabbed a ball gag from the stack and made a disapproving face. “This will not do, my mouth is way too big to be stopped by this pathetic thing.”

“Well I apologize for not getting the measurements in advance, Edward”, Oswald scoffed, took the gag from his hand and threw it across the room. “Besides, we need a safe word. So no gags.”

“A safe word? That doesn’t go well with what I had planned.”

“What did you have planned?” Oswald asked and ran his hand playfully through Ed’s curls. Ed bit his lip to hide the smile on his face.

“I want you to destroy me”, he growled, leaning into the hand that was not running across his face. Oswald froze for a second, blush starting to form on his face. Ed let out an exasperated sigh. “ _God!_ What’s gotten into you? I thought you’ve wanted to fuck me for months!”

“I do!” Oswald shouted back, getting flustered. “I’m just- We are _both_ new to this.”

“Well that didn’t stop you from getting your dick sucked four hours earlier”, Ed snapped and crossed his arms.

“I meant _this_ ”, Oswald grabbed a whip from the pile for emphasis. Ed tilted his head. “What? You think I frequently have cute, young men in my bedroom, asking to get paddled?”

“I hope not”, Edward said and grinned. “I’m the only one you’re allowed to paddle, daddy.”

“Suddenly the gag sounds like a brilliant idea”, Oswald shook his head and left the bedside to grab more to drink.

“See? I knew you’d get around to it”, Ed laughed and twirled a ring gag in his fingers. “Hey, this one is adjustable!”

“Will you _shut up_?” Oswald growled and looked at him, eyes burning. Ed swallowed and felt a twitch in his privates.

“You’re hot when you’re angry”, he said, going against everything Oswald’s last sentence had told him to do. Oswald abandoned his precious bottle and returned to Ed, heaving with irritation.

“It’s not gonna be as hot when I punch you-“, he started, but stopped halfway when he saw Edward’s face. “-aaaand you’re into it. Great. Is there anything you _won’t_ like?”

“Try me”, Ed said and leaned back on the bed, spreading his legs for emphasis. He wasn’t sure if this was just his more dominant personality coming further out or the effects of the alcohol. He didn’t mind either way. “I’m sure we’ll find something I don’t stomach.”

He hadn’t expected Oswald to lose his temper as fast as he did. Ed had barely seen the older man raise an arm, but the flogger landing right between his long legs felt way too real to only be a fantasy. He let out a scream and wasn’t sure if it was mostly out of surprise, pain or pleasure. He looked at Oswald, looking extremely offended.

“Hey!” he squealed and backed away from the other, pulling his legs together and closing them tightly. His dick, still tingling from the hit, didn’t enjoy the position. “Unfair.”

Oswald walked around the bed and pulled Edward right in front of his face. “I said. _Shut. Up._ ” Ed didn’t know what was hotter; Oswald’s intense, mismatched glare that burned into his soul, the hand around his neck, or the tone of voice that the man had used.

“And what if I don’t obey?” he breathed, the shit-eating grin starting to make its way back to his face. To his surprise, Oswald also smiled. It was cold, and cruel, and lustful.

“Then I’ll make sure to punish you accordingly”, he said in a low voice before sealing his lips around Edward’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updated the tags; everything tagged will probably come into play in the next chapter, so in case there is something you dislike, you have been warned


	14. he says that he's never afraid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my deepest apologies for not getting this out sooner! exams hit me like a truck and really milked me dry, to the point where all i could do was study and sleep for four days :D but i'm back! i hope this chapter is worth the wait.
> 
> TW: pure smut, bdsm and whipping

Ed fell on his back, Oswald following right after. Neither of them seemed ready to let go of the other just yet, so Ed took advantage of their position and wrapped his legs around Oswald’s waist. He didn’t want to ever get up from the bed. Oswald was definitely not light, but it felt so wonderful to actually be stuck instead of just pretending to be. Finally, Oswald broke the kiss and winced.

“Damn it”, he said and pulled back, shaking his bad leg. Ed looked at him, disappointedly.

“You should get that checked”, he said and tried to still get his hands on the man. Oswald rolled his eyes and cursed under his breath.

“My own leg cockblocking me”, he said and huffed a laugh. “Unbelievable.”

“Sit down”, Ed suggested and already stood up himself.

“Stop”, Oswald said immediately. Edward raised his eyebrows in confusion. “I give the orders”, Oswald specified and pushed Ed back on the bed. “I’m still angry at you, remember?”

“How could I forget?” Ed grinned and crossed his legs suggestively. “You’re _so_ intimidating right now. Truly”, he went on sarcastically. He couldn’t explain the reasoning behind his actions, but for some reason disobeying everything he was told to do brought him so much joy. Oswald backed away from the bed and looked Ed up and down.

“Strip.” The order came so abruptly that Ed almost choked on his own spit. He coughed, but his smile didn’t falter. Instead, he nodded and tilted his head a bit. He brushed his hand against the buttons of his shirt and very slowly opened the first of many. He maintained cunning eye contact with Oswald as he touched his neck seductively before moving on to the next button, opening it even slower than the first one. He smirked and licked lips. Oswald was already starting to grow impatient.

“Stop!” Oswald screeched when Ed slipped the fourth out of seven buttons open and bit his lips. Ed let out a squeal when Oswald stepped close and slapped his hands off himself. Oswald took it upon himself to violently rip the rest of the shirt open. Ed shivered with a maddening smile on his lips as he followed Oswald’s eyes moving around his bare chest. The smile was short-lived, because Oswald ripped the whole shirt off him and grabbed his shoulder aggressively.

“You’re purposefully pissing me off”, he spat, gritting his teeth.

“Maybe so”, Ed said and tried to make himself look as innocent as humanly possible. Oswald exhaled long and hard through his nose and backed away, pulling Ed to the floor in the process. Edward thumped on the ground on his knees and looked up, confused.

“Take off the rest of your clothes and stay put.” Oswald tugged on his hair a bit before turning away and waltzing around the bed to study the supplies again. Ed would have possible disobeyed again, but the thought of finally freeing his growing erection was too alluring to pass up on. Therefore, he – still on the floor – slid off his pants and threw them on top of his ruined shirt. His socks followed soon after. Besides that, he didn’t really have anything except his underwear on, and he was unsure whether Oswald wanted him full nude or not. He leaned against the bed and placed his arms on his sides.

“Now what?” he asked, beginning to grow impatient as Oswald stood still, weighing his options in front of the pile of junk. Oswald’s eyes moved back to him and he tilted his head slightly, questioning.

“Like, can I at least suck you off again? I’m bored.” Oswald rolled his eyes and Ed grinned victoriously. It was so incredibly easy to irritate the older man, and it made him feel glorious.

“Come here”, Oswald commanded and pat his thigh like he was talking to a dog. It was Edward time to roll his eyes. He began pushing himself up from the ground, but Oswald barked at him to stop. “On your knees”, the raven-haired man demanded. Ed looked at him with a look of disbelief, but only for a moment. He swallowed his pride and crawled past the bed on all fours.

“Not all Edwards are dogs, you know”, the brunette said as he sat still at Oswald’s feet. “You’re treating me like one.”

“And you’re enjoying it”, Oswald dismissed his complaint with a cruel smirk and picked up something from the pile in front of them. Ed focused his eyes on the spiked collar. “You know what this is, right?” Oswald asked. Ed grabbed the collar and his eyes widened.

“You cunt!” he exclaimed as he stared at the name tag on the collar; Edward. “This is literally your puppy’s!”

“I’m a man of convenience. Who says I can’t kill two birds with one stone and use it on both you and the dog?” Oswald beamed and took the collar back. He tugged on Ed’s hair and pulled his head back in order to attach the collar to his neck.

“I’m starting to think you want to fuck the poor bulldog.” Ed was going to snicker, but Oswald purposefully pulled on the collar so rough that it cut off Edward’s breathing for a second. He choked up a mix of laughter and a cough as Oswald’s cool hands fastened the buckle.

“Cute”, Oswald admitted as he moved Ed’s head around a bit. “Maybe I should make this a permanent feature on you.”

“I’m sure Jim Gordon would be thrilled if I walked into the GCPD with a dog harness.”

“Surely”, Oswald said and ruffled Ed’s hair before letting go of him. Ed couldn’t deny that he wanted more of those head pats. “Alright. Get on the bed.” Edward didn’t need to be told twice. He had been waiting for the command ever since he was forced on the floor. As thrilling as it was to be at Oswald’s feet, the floor was cold and hard and very uncomfortable to kneel on. He jumped on the bed which immediately gave in under his weight. God, it was the most comfortable thing he had ever experienced.

“Why is my bed not this nice?” Ed asked as he laid on his back and sprawled across the entire bed. Oswald ignored his question with a small chuckle, but Ed’s attention was mostly brought back by the clinging of more buckles.

“I hope the headboard will take this”, Oswald said as he circled the bed like a prey watching his next meal. “Nice position you’ve got there, Edward.” He grabbed one of Ed’s spread out arms and pulled it a bit further. He attached a leather cuff on his wrist and fastened the other end of the chain to the bed’s headboard.

“That’s tight”, Ed commented. He already felt a slight sting on his wrist. There would absolutely be bruises in the morning, but that was the least of his worries.

“That’s the point”, Oswald replied and pat Edward’s forearm before limping to the other side of the bed and doing the same procedure to Ed’s other arm. The reality of the situation was beginning to settle as Edward realized he no longer had control of either of his arms. He gave an experimental tug which only resulted in minor pain on his wrist. Another thing he was painfully aware of was his throbbing erection; his underwear did nothing to hide how excited this made him.

“Have you ever been tied up like this?” Oswald asked with a serene voice, like he was talking about the weather. Edward shook his head and licked his dried up lips. Oswald looked pleased with that answer. “Good”, he hummed and picked up yet another fastener.

“Now; are you stretchy?”

“What?” Ed asked, utterly confused. Oswald walked next to him and slowly moved his cold fingers up his exposed leg. It sent shivers down Edward’s spine. He suppressed a moan when the hand brushed across his dick.

“Stretchy”, Oswald repeated.

“I- I don’t know? I guess?” Ed responded and furrowed one of his brows. “Why?”

Oswald responded with an action rather than a word. He grabbed one of Ed’s ankles and in a quick motion raised Ed’s leg off the bed before Edward could fight back. Ed let out a flustered squeal when Oswald forced his leg all the way back, making his back arch. “Oh, definitely stretchy”, Oswald practically purred as he clasped the cuff on Ed’s ankle and dragged his leg backwards until it hit the headboard.

“Jesus”, Ed gasped. It was slightly hard to breathe in such a compromised position, but the feeling of one’s own erection rubbing against his stomach was a thrilling one. Oswald attached his leg in place and ran his hand alongside the pale skin.

“Maybe you’re more cat than dog”, he said quietly and slammed his palm on Ed’s exposed thigh without warning. Edward yelped in surprise but couldn’t move an inch from his position. All he managed to do was throw his free leg around helplessly. Oswald laughed at the pathetic try to get back at him.

“You’re rude”, Ed said, a blush covering his already warmed up face. Now that he was practically naked, Oswald could surely see also his shoulders darkening.

“That’s enough noise for one night, Edward”, he said and snatched the same ring gag Ed had been toying with earlier. “Although, I guess this won’t necessarily _silence_ them. Open up.” Ed almost wanted to fight back, but he had been tempted to get that ring between his teeth ever since he first saw it, so he decided to comply and opened his mouth. Oswald reached around his raised leg and slid the rubber ring on its rightful place. It was quite a large one and Oswald had seemingly remembered Edward’s earlier revelation about the toy being adjustable, because it forced Ed’s jaws open a considerable amount. He grumbled around the gag when Oswald fastened it at the back of his head.

“That’s an immediate improvement”, Oswald said as he leaned back to look at his masterpiece. Ed huffed and wanted to grit his teeth, but that was the last thing he was physically able to do. He wasn’t quite sure how to place his tongue in order to not look like a cheap whore. “Now!” Oswald clapped his hands together. “I want to construct an experiment. Since you’re so keen on all these fun toys”, he brushed a hand across the multiple whips on the bed, “let’s see which one you like the best.”

“Huh?” Ed got out and tried to see what Oswald was doing. It was uncomfortable to move his neck with the collar and the leg being in the way of things, so he quickly gave up. His serenity didn’t last long, because he saw from the corner of his eye that Oswald had picked up the flogger. He had only a second time to prepare himself before the leathery crops landed on his inner thigh with a loud smack. He no longer had the option to cover his mouth with his hands or bite his lip, so the move ejected a loud whine from him.

“What’s that? I don’t think I quite caught it”, Oswald said in a sing-a-song-y voice, a sadistic smile sprawling across his whole face. He repeated the lash two more times, both emitting a lustful moan from Ed’s open mouth.

“I’m going to say you liked that one. Didn’t seem painful, though.” Edward glared at him with the best of his abilities. His thigh was stinging in the best possible way.

“Aah!” he shouted louder than had been his intention when something much sharper hit his free thigh. He jolted reflectively, obviously to no avail. Oswald had switched to the riding crop. It wasn’t painful, per se, but an interesting sensation.

“Oh, that’s much better”, Oswald complimented and hit him again. And again. Ed decided to stop counting after the tenth hit and just focused on whining and squealing pathetically, flailing in his tight restraints.

“Are you not having fun, Ed?” Oswald asked and grabbed his calf in order to keep him still during his whipping. “I told you”, a hit, “don’t. Talk. Back. To. Me.” Every word was emphasized with a lash, getting progressively more violent. Ed wheezed and let out a hollow laughter, which sounded ridiculous considering he was still gagged. Oswald hit him once again before switching his tool once again.

“Still find this funny?” he asked, running a long and thin leather whip across Ed’s legs. It was reminiscent of ones used to punish actual slaves. Edward shuddered. And then he screamed. The whip felt like it had split apart his reddened skin the moment it touched him. Oswald truly felt no remorse as he struck Ed again and again. Ed wasn’t sure if he was crying or laughing, but one thing was for certain; he was hard as a rock, already leaking precum through the fabric of his boxers.

Oswald finally threw the whip on the floor after making sure the leave the hardest lash for last. Edward let out a loud sob and slumped on the mattress. He panted, desperately trying to wiggle around to soothe the pain and the pleasure, but it was useless. Oswald was also catching up his breath and let out a howl of laughter. He leaned above Ed and brushed a hand through his messy hair and swiping the strands off his sweaty forehead.

“Are you okay?” he asked with a low voice and took off Ed’s glasses to see his tear-stained face better. Edward gasped and leaned into the cool touch. He truly felt like burning up. Still, he nodded enthusiastically and tried to smile, but it was very difficult with the gag. Oswald swiped some spit off his cheek and kissed it. His other hand ran gently across the abused flesh of Ed’s thighs. “Good. Don’t want to break you so fast...” His breath ghosted on Ed’s face for a moment before he pulled away and moved his eyes to examine his erection.

“I didn’t really think this through”, he tilted his head thoughtfully. Edward assumed he was talking about the fact that he was already tied up and still wearing underwear. Oswald shrugged and reached for the nightstand. From the top drawer he snatched a pair of small scissors. “I’ll buy you a new pair”, he promised and grinned before sitting on the bed and promptly cutting up Edward’s boxers.

If it was possible for Ed to blush further, it definitely happened when Oswald laid the first direct skin-to-skin touch on his cock. He had thought he would be prepared for everything, but nothing could have prepared him for the sensation of Oswald’s hand running up and down his length. Ed wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to call someone a professional when it came to hand jobs, but that title certainly belonged to Oswald. Or maybe he was just so in heat that his dick could have been touched with a cheese grater and he still would’ve liked it.

“Good boy”, Oswald muttered in-between Edward’s lewd whines. The movements were torturously slow and calculated – they were driving him crazy. “You’re not so tough anymore, are you, Ed?” Oswald leaned in and licked the tip of his dick. Ed moaned pathetically. “Look at yourself. Melting into my arms...”

Edward had suspected it, but he was still disappointed when Oswald pulled away and left him on edge. He whimpered when the hand left his sensitive skin. “Not yet”, Oswald said and swiped his hand on the bedsheet. Apparently he didn’t care as much about the Merino wool anymore, Ed thought as he glared at the general direction of the man. It was incredibly arousing to not see the other properly, not being able to predict what would happen to him next.

He yelped out of surprise when something cold brushed against his nipples all of sudden. Ed whined when that same something clasped on the sensitive skin. He tried to look down, but it was impossible in his position, so he only assumed they had to be the nipple clamps he had picked up from one of the shelves in the secret room. They were metallic and freezing cold but felt quite nice against his hot skin. The teeth were also sinking into his nipples and emitting quite a bit of pain, though.

“Enjoy that”, Oswald instructed and spat shamelessly on Ed’s trembling chest. “There are also weights, but I guess they don’t really affect unless you’re positioned vertically, so...”, he trailed off and Ed saw a blurry grin looming above his face. He moaned uselessly into the gag. He could have given anything in order to rip the gag off and kiss the living shit out of Oswald at that moment, but unfortunately it wasn’t his call. He just had to hope Oswald would be merciful enough to give him what he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again this was getting awfully long, so the fuckening & aftercare will happen in the next chapter lmao  
> i'll truly try my hardest to get it out today or tomorrow!! thanks for waiting, love y'all <3<3


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